my lights..
my Warriors of Love
it's been awhile since
I've met you
here
it's been a year
since my mother died
she always favoured my sister
they had more in common
she refused my help
often
until
she was in palliative care
and had no choice
because
I lived the closest
I loved showering
her with my attention
affection
during that time
one day
near the day
she passed
I couldn't enter
the hospital
I was frozen
fear
pain
sadness
overwhelm
all of it made me
Stand Still
I wanted to run
you answered your phone
you were in a hurry
you were busy
about to leave to meet a friend
I needed you
you gave me courage
stayed on the phone
with me
as I entered the hospital
as I pushed
against
the force of
death
to breathe
its
chemical
air
step
by
step
into the metal box
the elevator
took
me
down
to the basement
into
the cavern
from
where
only
the
grateful living
return
do you know?
do you know how hard it was?
to face her mortality
to know she would never
be her living Self
to me
with me?
to know
her Finality?
do you know how much you helped?
do you know
how sad I was
that you weren't
bothered
by my
state
but seemed to care
more
about meeting
your friend for
coffee?
you barely
went for coffee with me
and we were more than lovers
I felt like a nuisance
to you
my mother died
alone
a few days later
despite the regular
visits
despite the long hours
I was there
willing
wanting
to be with her
by her
she died alone
I wish I had been
there
so she knew
my Love was ever Present
I wish I had been
there
to cherish
all of her
while I could
It's true
no one
can die for us
it's a journey each must face alone
even
if in the
midst of a crowd
It's also true
no one can live
our Life for us
our Story is our own
even
if in the
midst of a crowd
we must Live it
Live it
for all those
who can no longer
see
taste
feel
smell
hear
sense
or
touch
Live it
Love it
Cherish it
enjoy the scent of snow
the kiss of the sun
the warmth of loving touch
for just as all pain and suffering finds end, this too shall pass
For all the Heartists who have seen Death, heard her whisper or song and cried at her feet, let us be reminded that her sweet embrace leads us to an authentic Life. For who can best teach us the Value of Life, if not Death?
I remain,
Lesléy
Hallelujah Heartist
