knickknack

I did my
best
to give
you
what you wanted
what you needed

I did my best
to
trust
be open
...even after so much hurt...I did what I said I would do
what I promised You


do you want to be in my picture?
you asked, after you had ignored me, after I had watched dumbfounded
while you photographed the scenery and yourself
           not even a care
               that I was there
          really?
Your picture?
I thought it was
our journey
but apparently you were alone
and I
was
your accessory
     the knickknack
you pull from your bag once in a while for three or four weeks when you're bored, then pack away
          you never throw me out completely
                    because if you did
          you'd have nothing to
hide from the
fancy people
in your life
who are mean to each other
spreading judgement
behind
each other's
back
          yes
          let's not bring out the knickknack
no, not in front in them, nor anyone
I'll hide you away
you're not good enough
to be seen
          Our Relationship
is not good enough
to be seen

oh dear idiot
did you think
i would just love you?
          ...I heard your soul say
did you think
you were just worthy
of my love?
          ...I heard your heart say
No
No
No
Lesley
 ...no...you're too difficult to Love
          ...You Said

No,
for this to work
you must not ask anything meaningful of me
you must yield to all my requests
you must know
that I'm right at all times
and you must always
always
bend
     ...I don't care if you break!
you must bend
you must
     you must
because
I can never
ask them
my favourite
fancy people
          to be better
than who they are
so it must be you!
it must always
be you
     ...it must be you
or you are not worthy of Me

you are lucky
actually
because
I can name you
make you
     if you work hard at it
you are no one
...until I say you're someone
...until I show them that you're Someone
to Me

you're just the
person
I call
who understands me
the person
I miss
          the person
          that makes me
angry
          oh and I hate that
hate!  you bring that up in me
too!
oh no, you're no-good
no, not for me
     I can't free
     what's there
no, it must never be felt
no
no, you're no good for me
          ...but let me love you a moment
          longer
because my soul loves you, and needs to feel your love for me
because my soul needs to express its love for you, and loves to feel your soft deep love in return
because my soul eagerly moves with you to the centre of peace, as we make love
.....but no
no
no, Lesley, I don't want to work through challenges, differences, how angry you make me, or hate, or anything with you
you're just the trinket
I carry and hide
remember!?
          it doesn't matter where I put you
you will always be there
when I  reach for you
          so I will treat you
          any which way
          and you will do as I say
if you want my love, that is
 
for you
are
Nothing
but what I tell you
you
are
          when I tell you
          if I tell you
               and even then you must know
               your place

you're just
the knickknack
I own



I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist