Two Writers

So many bodies hit the ground

Pale thin slivers, layers of me

or who I was

or who I might be

Dreams lost yet found somewhere

in time

in space

in Life

all at Once

I’ve been shedding

ideas

about this and that

right and wrong

the world is free when these don’t exist

especially my world
people

this one and that one

right or wrong

the world is free when I let you go

especially since you don’t want to be

in my world

I’ve been walking the shore of the ocean

my retreat in battle 

(and where we last fought)

          my retreat near the cliff-face

where I am hidden and alone

I’ve picked up fossils and stones

observed their layers

their sharpness

their smoothness

they are perfect any which way they are

they don’t judge themselves

you see?  they’re just right - at every moment 
                                           because of this

they are eternal

I’ve sat here too, thinking

pondering

creating stories in my mind that never was, or likely will never be...but exist all the same in another reality

dimension, another place 

I’ve concluded

I know we’re different, and apart, and misunderstandings killed us in the ocean

Yet I still feel you

All these theories that we are all One...all these mysteries

Have they come undone

in me?

To reveal indeed, We Are

Have learned; I could never lose you, have never lost you

Will always be

Connected

To your Heart

To your Uncommon Mind

To a Past that was

And a Present that left so fast

                                                I can only pretend in a daydream 

That friendship is still possible

Between us

Sometimes

I recall your writings

     Powerful and eloquent

For one so young

For one who saw only a Monster in me
  
           And then I remember

I slayed you without intent, without meaning

And slayed myself with the mourning of it

But it didn’t end there

And for a time 

I could push you out of my mind

For a time

I could pretend that this was meant to be

But then

I wonder if this is how it will end

This time around

                                               And it bothers me

I’m going to Egypt
The Egyptian Book of the Dead 

Was a book I stopped reading many moons ago

early in my journeying

          I felt so close to Truth

And became frightened of it

I stopped my Spiritual Quest

Went into Business

Focussed on distraction

Instead

I’m going back

In a way

Back to learn the Truth 

That scared me

When I thought nothing could

Perhaps I will lose another sliver of a false self

       Or a false dream

       Or a truth I once believed

Perhaps I will Heal for Everyone

Every hurt that went unseen

                         Even the slaying of your private heart

Your Secret Self

                        By my words

And the slaying of mine - by yours

Perhaps

We will encounter each other somewhere

When we’ve Healed

And I’ll ask you which of your stories

Is your favourite

And I’ll tell you mine

 
And the dead will come alive over a cup of coffee

                     And we'll just be two writers at a table

                          

Ever grateful for the Universal Mind that connects Us all and all Life in every dimension to each other in every moment.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Circular Reference of Wrong Words

Many Moons have come and gone

Added up

I take inventory in the second person, sometimes third person

     Yet I am divisible by one

I wonder

If the broken arrow Eros left behind

Will Heal 

     Or seal

     Or return to the Earth

     Beneath the footfalls of my Dreaming

Y is always a variable

I yearn for a deeper Depth

Yet I fear

     I can only go so deep

It's a circular reference

An error of sorts 

I used to dream of Her

I used to dream of You

Now

I take inventory in the second person, sometimes third person

I know the fool I am

     Wrong words

     That came out wrong 

     Were interpreted wrong

     Because they were wrong words 

          you see

They couldn't be 

Anything but Wrong

     As such

     They could never be Right

(I stood no chance to marvel in the Light

          Of your uncommon Mind)

Am I wrong

To interpret anything

But Hate

From Her

From You?

          What if Y equals 'let's start over?'

Strong words are Action

Strong words are Creation

Strong words are Intention

Strong words are Everything

          …If they are right

But mine were wrong

…I take inventory plain and simple, there is no second person, nor third

Just me, I am one

One wishes that Y equaled your friendship

If shame did not exist within, there would be no walls between us, no fear.


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

I Dreamt Last Night of a Feeling

I dreamt

Last night

Of a Feeling

I dreamt  

Last night

Of a Meeting

          Between you and I

It was comforting

Yet
I was cautious

          'Why are you here?

          You hate me'  

'I need to speak with you'

          'I'm busy' 

'I'll wait'
          I considered…

          'Alright' I nodded consent

You leaned in

          To slip me some skin

                    I thought

I felt your hand slide across 

                   Wrap naturally

                   Matter of factly 

                   Around mine

I felt it mostly 

Firmly

Gently
Along with 

          Your Heart

                 Open

                 Willing

          Secure in a Knowing

                 Of some sort

You waited patiently

          Held my hand Boldly

Until I woke

Why?

Why would I dream such a dream?

          As though our swords had never crossed

          As though our words 

                         Had not struck their final blow

          As though banishment wasn't so    

          And you had been searching

                         Instead

               To find me here

               In this dreaming

               In this feeling

                        Somewhere between

                        Space and time

              Waiting to align

              Myself with you

Perhaps...

Perhaps 

In this dreaming

I encountered Healing

Where hate was Love

And your kindness was mine

Wishing peace in the release of denials and silenced emotions.  If we free ourselves from the pain of judgement and Open to our own Way,  perhaps we might finally find Forever.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Beneath the Sway

Sounds of Emotion 

Wave in the sea

Swaying gently far in the centre of movement

Below the stormy sky

The current is strong

Beneath the soft surface

I contemplate

At the sea's rocky shore

Sandy

Wet from Sky's sweat

From Earth's toil

Spent

Empty

They are tired

I am tired

Errors of the past

Mistakes fell fast

Beyond my grasp

Of reckoning

How can I be the Healer

As I am in healing?

I may bend time

Yet cannot undo

The done

The wrong

They say there is a hell

I say it is this:

The wound of Regret 

Festers longer

Than any hell

That  exists

All those bones beneath the sway

Got carried away

Their Joy

A thing of the past

With thoughts of goodbye

My friends,

Did you sigh?

When reckoning

Arrived at last

With the energy currently circling the World, Our World, it might be time to sit and Feel.  We are Masters of each Moment until we choose to be a slave of moments past, ways of being that no longer serve our Voice of Love, who we are.  May the days ahead bring Joy, Reconciliation and stories of Humanity's true Spirit of Kindness...Love.

I remain, ever hopeful of a future where all our tears are seen,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Walk

It’s been several moons since Ocean Hawk took me to the Witch-Woman of the forest

The Witch-Woman...she was tall, confident and imposing
She had taken a look at my breast and concluded
     The skin around my areola had worn away
     Was easily agitated
          Gave me cream to ease discomfort

There was no discomfort

Just an aesthetic issue
     One breast visibly changed for always
          So shall it be
Should someone behead me
Identification can be made with a quick review of my chest

The walk has been long since my desert time

Eros is heading back towards me
  Carrying papers, formalities
               Written not with the glow of his golden arrow
But with the stench of blood
Long decayed in battle

Ocean Hawk remains my company
She is Kind
  Gentle
  Pure of Heart
She allows me space to grieve
My loss of Eros
Loss of the romantic notion
That Love conquers All
She is allowing my Trust to grow

Lately
Lately my dreams have been infiltrated by two
          Aries
          Eden

  Sex from men
Love from Women

I've since been wondering

     What do lesbians dream of?

          Do gay men ever dream of fucking women?
               Do straight men dream of fucking men?

Or

Is it a bi-sexual thing?

A reincarnation thing?

Or simply

          Is it a Lesley thing?

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to Being who We are

Isn’t Love just Love when it's all said and done?
When all our faces are removed
When all our stories have been told
Won't that be what remains of who we were?
Won't that be what we want others to remember most?

Each step I take
I feel the pebbles beneath my feet
The dust gets past my leather somehow and forms a skin beneath
  The mud
The mud ruins everything
Until I reach the Ocean

I’m headed there now
Ocean Hawk remains at my side
                I wonder at times
                         How long she'll stay


I remain,

Ever grateful for Movement, Love, and Humanity's true spirit - Goodness; and You, my Heartists and Warriors of Love, Humanity is You - it is Us,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Skeletons in the closet

There are Skeletons in the closet
          They are not mine

There are Skeletons in the closet
          Polluting time
                    Filling darkness
                    Birthing a Mind
                              That seeks to destroy the Soul


So many Skeletons lay dead in the walls
Hidden beneath some floors
No
These are not ours
          Any longer
Carry them no more

Remove the Key from your pocket
Unlock the Door
These bones belong to an ocean
          In the Past
         
          Let them wash ashore

          Clean
                    By Earth's bosom
                    By the salt of our Tears
          Offer them to the heavens
          Along with the years
                              Of loathing
                              Of hiding
                              Of hurting

It is time to Be


Warriors of Love...may your struggles be little, your Joy be great and may your Light shine beyond our galaxy to create another Sun.  Be kind to yourself and others, Happy New Year to Heartists around the globe.

Love with each thump of your Heart
We have only one
It is enough to change the rhythm of our Universe


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

A New Time...

Many moons have passed since Ocean Hawk saved my life

 

She had followed me from camp

As I made my way by morning’s blue cloak
Attempting my journey
Alone

She has remained with me since

Quiet often

She moved through the mundane with purpose and private enjoyment

            A usual manner

Even smiling at her own recollections as we walked

                        Rarely making eye contact

I hardly spoke

She let me be as I was

Scornful and lonely

A fool 

Until one day

Watching from a distance

Ocean Hawk caught sight of my face as I readied my garments
My brows furrowed in thought
I had been noting a change
An inflammation of sorts around the areola of one of my breasts
It had, over seasons, grown agitated, darker

She walked over

Greeted me with confident eyes

            ‘What do you want?’ I was curt

It was more of a statement than a question

I hoped it would intimidate her
If she noticed my tone, she chose to ignore it

‘What’s with the look on your face?’ She asked 

            ‘I was born this way’ as a matter of fact 

‘I’m serious, what’s goin’ on?’ She chided

Silence

I pulled tight the strings of my bodice

‘Let me look.’

            ‘No’ I flatly replied and hurried myself

She reached inward

Took hold of my wrists
Tore them roughly from my chest

Her stern eyes said everything

She spoke anyway

‘I’m looking whether you like it or not. Try anything and I won’t be so nice.’

She gently drew down the soft fabric and scrutinized

It would’ve been then

The moment when I should’ve struck her against her face
The moment when I should’ve brought my elbow to her temple
But there was no time
No time to do anything before I heard her expel beneath her breath

'Hmm’ Quick, neutral, unrevealing

I shoved her to the ground

Guess she was distracted

Her eyes spat profanities my way

             I didn’t care

            Could only say one thing in that moment

                        ‘For the record, do that again and I’ll kill you.’

She smirked

It turned into a real smile as she rose to her feet

We gathered our things and resumed our travel

‘You need to see someone about that.’ She said 

            ‘I need nothing from you or anyone.’

                                    How great the fool was I?

‘You don’t know this area. You’ll be lost before you realize you’re lost.  Besides, fools die all the time.  Don’t you want to be one that lives?  You’re no spring chick anymore you know.’

             Bitch

            She saw through to my vanity

‘I know someone.  That’s where we’re going.’

I refrained from further objection

The truth being; I was concerned

She continued

‘Oh and for the record…shove me again and I’ll kill you.’
Her face drew into a broad smile
Damn it was authentic

                        Beckoning me each time

                        Moving me in ways not yet understood

I followed

            As I had been since my return from the desert

 

I remain, ever thoughtful of Heartists here, across the Globe

Your struggles
Your enduring nature
Your mindful way
           Are Beautiful
           Beyond tribulation
           Beyond pain
           Beyond all thoughts found outside ourselves forcing an outcome within us

I am humbled, honoured by your Strength
I Thank You

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Long Night

Life, I’ve found
Can change profusely
                With a tender touch

                Or sternness of Heart

I  waited

I watched as this warrior

Raised her sword, a wakizashi, I now saw
In clear aim of my neck

                                My spine

I wondered

                If I move, will she wait for a clear stroke or

                Will she behead me anyway?

 With every second her ego and arrogance commanded an audience

                My strength grew                          
                As if she heard my thoughts
                She hummed
                                    'Ah, ah, ah…don't get any grand ideas - you’re not going anywhere.’

She moved toward me

Growled
                ‘This is for my mother.’

Snapping the sword high

She let it fall in graceful silence
                I watched

                                Awestruck by its shine

                As it came to an abrupt end
                Against another's sword

A gentle, unassuming voice emerged as their weapons held in stalemate

‘Aries, I won’t let you do this.’

Aries – that’s it.

Ochre eyes

I swore I’d never forget
         I haven’t                                                                                                                             
These ochre eyes, however, are empty
They don’t belong to the woman who had been my love seasons and seasons past

Aries’ strength and will wavered at the stranger’s defense

‘Get out of my way Ocean Hawk, this isn’t your fight.’

‘No Aries, this is no fight at all.  This is murder.  You will yourself less of a warrior for pride in revenge? 
I won’t let you kill her.’

Aries held Ocean Hawk’s stare

Turned to me and promised
                ‘This isn’t over.’

She took several steps in retreat

                            

There, by the smoke of the fire
Aries transformed seamlessly into the Owl who had been my company in the desert     
              And flew away

The stranger came near               
She was young
                Younger than me

Stood there

Stretched her hand in peace

                'My name is Ocean Hawk.  I'd like to take a look at your eyes.'

                 Her voice, unlike mine, was gentle

'I don’t care who you are.  Step back.' I warned. 

Enraged

I was suddenly and completely filled with rage

She ignored me

Crouched down
Took her hands to my face
                 Tilted my head to her liking

                 So that it caught light off the fire

'You'll be okay.' She said as she rose to her feet. 
Her voice was quiet yet firm as she threw me a fine woolen blanket. 
'Drink some water.  Get some rest.  I don't care what you do after that.' 

She moved several feet away

Unrolled a similar blanket
With her back facing me she spoke

'If you leave in the night, Aries will kill you.  I suggest you stay.' 


to be continued...

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

A Return

I had followed the woman in the hooded cloak
The warrior who had led me with a smile
Clothed my nakedness

After a day’s journey

I had yet to see her face

At nightfall we reached a camp

Small
Desolate

But for another

Passively observing our entry

My guide went directly for a ladle

Scooped the contents of a pot
           Hovering over the fire
Filled a wooden cup

              Added cool water

‘Tea’

She offered
Reminding
‘We journeyed too long without food or drink.’

I took the cup, warm in my hands, and drank

The amber liquid was bitter
I spat it out

The woman’s laugh echoed

‘Worry not child
It only tastes bitter for a moment’

The tone of her voice
Turned my stomach

She watched curiously

For what reason I knew not

Until the pain came

I doubled-over

Looked to her
With a grimace

When our eyes met

She raised her arms
Pulled back her hood

                Revealing thick fair hair

                Framing dark ochre eyes

She strolled slowly

Intentionally
                Leisurely
By the fire

“You know…I’ve been watching you.’’

Her voice was a soft melodic coo

With the tilt of her head she smiled a magnetic smile

Her face, now clear in the golden light

Was familiar

Scorn flew freely from my tight throat

“Who are you?” I spat

The cramps

Which had lessened
Were debilitating still
My exertion had tasked what little breath I had
I lost balance and tipped to the ground

                                It’s always so cold and damp near the water

                Small stones pierced my face

                                Clung to the cold sweat now present

               

                I pulled myself to rest against a makeshift wall

                A heavy streak of liquid slid from my forehead

                Blazed past my lips to land on my chest

                                What has this bitch given me?

“Tsk, Tsk, Tsk…

You don’t remember me?  Ahh, it’s just as well, it’s all the same – in the end.”
Her full lips spread across her face igniting her eyes
She beamed arrogantly
 
Unfastening her cloak

She let it fall to the earth

Tightened her thick leather vest

                Paid me no mind as she unsheathed her sword

                                Surveyed its beauty

                                          It was fine in point and design

                                          Polished for death

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Vein

I feel my heart
Beat
Through the tips of my fingers

I see the cells within my eyes
Move in time with each
Thump

Thump Thump

They resemble kidney beans 

I feel the blood pull
Draw
Pull
Draw

                In my neck

                My chest

I am Alive 

 

I feel my Love

Seep
Through the vein of my Being

I see a Light within my eyes
A reflection of Fire
Move in time with each
Thump

                Thump Thump

                It resembles the galaxy

I feel the blood pull
Draw
Pull
Draw

                In my Sex

                My chest

I am Alive


Always
Alive

In You

In honour of all Heartists, Warriors of Love; every one of us who battle self doubt, navigate the battlefield of the ego and challenge our own desire to flee in the midst of fear or defeat.  We stand, we fight, we walk and we surrender all in perfect time.  We are Alive, you and I, here together. 

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

a step to Freedom

Hell
The death of the Will to Yell
Heaven
The birth of the Will to Love

 

Scraping feet

Scarred with burns
A gift from the desert
When my shoes wore thin
                From grinding against sands of the past

The Owl lives

In the fruitful land, just there within my sight, a land named Possibility
It waits beyond this border
This cage

It inched slowly away night by night

To forests lush with Life
Until I could no longer hear its wings
                My comfort
                Once upon a time

It left me here in contemplation

Fear
Loneliness
Here at the threshold where Eros crossed
So many moons ago
So many lives since

Here at this fine line where death greets Freedom

Starvation battles Bliss
I stand naked from lack of care
                And the wind’s cruel love

With feet swollen

Sore

I take a step
Then two
Then three
                Then more

The moist Earth soothes all that has burned me

                All that has torn away
                At the Warrior I am
                The Mystic - now found
                The Heartist - come alive

There

Yes, there in the distance
                You stand
                Holding open a dark cloak the length of you

When I arrive

                Your eyes penetrate
                I turn mine to the ground
                                Notice your feet bound in leather
                                Your legs, smooth, powerful and strong
                                          You are a Warrior too
                Am I unworthy of your stare?
                                Unworthy of your Care?

Perhaps

Yet You move

With grace

To wrap me tenderly
                 Smile

This land is new to me

                Your face...a quiet promise of Trust

                I will follow

                              

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

lions - a short moral story

I’ve learned that lions only give a shit at feeding time
It’s always about them

So many lions came
So many left
They were all the same…
                                                       They were lions
What did I expect?

It's my fault for expecting them to be stallions

Or some other kinder
Warmer
Creature

Willing to trade their Love for Love

It's my fault for ignoring the obvious

You see

No matter how friendly
Warm
Or kind
The horse

                It is vegetarian afterall...

                                                    And lions are not

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist