Lines

I dreamt last night of my father

I dreamt I told him I haven’t forgotten

Haven’t forgotten that he molested me

                                                Molested the little girl I was, and still am

I dreamt I beat him

Hit him blow upon blow

Each fist landing softly

              Weakly
                Feebly
                 A snow flake
                              A warm window

  Impact

  Then disappearance

                A profound nightmare  

                For someone like me

My birthday is tomorrow

Tuesday, ruled by Mars the planet of action

                Where was its heavy hand last night?

This nightmare...

This nightmare has aged me

                So close to my birth

                                So near to my life

                                I feel the death it has brought me

                                In this moment, I feel the experience of my years

                                                                 Deep lines across a page that cannot be erased

                                The white in my hair

                                Previously an anomaly of sorts

                                Is pronounced

                                                                Warrior Feathers

                                                                Marking my survival

So much loss this year

The battle has been cold and dark

                              

The little fire in my midst
Is a plenty company for the Night
It does little to revive my Soul 

Gathered against cold earth

I think of Eros

Golden arrows lit upon another dream

                How I gave my life to death, in Love

I think of Aries

Her arms about my neck in innocence                

                How I promised her my Love, para sempre

                                                                                    And failed

                                                                                                Eventually

There is one reflection remaining in this flame

It is mine

                Laden with branches, roots

                It is grown
                Runs deep through the rabbit hole
                My inner child sits there alone
                                She is stronger than me I think
                                A Warrior of Love

                                I am you
                                         She reminds

There is noise in this silence

I hear all of it
It is deafening
                With repetition
                With Life
                With Truth
Still
I am compelled to Listen

The night smells of sulphur

And finally...I think of You
                Perhaps this is coincidence
                Perhaps you are the sulphur in every match I light
                In each flame that dies upon my tongue

Perhaps you are more than this

Perhaps you are a warm breath next to me, in the darkness

Ever in reverence of you, my Heartists; strong in resolve for Love and unity, equal Warriors in battle...I thank you for your company.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist