On the 23rd
of December
I made a
phone call
I called
my mother
Asked
that she not trespass Gemini’s space, unless given permission
Told her
When she does this, it is like him coming into our room as children, in
the night
Unwanted, unsolicited
She
became nervous
Said she didn’t want that
I asked
to speak to my father
My mother
told me
‘He’s not
well today…don’t say too much.’
My heart skipped a beat, thumped
quickly as the blood rushed to my face
In anger
‘I’ll say what needs to be
said. This has nothing to do with
Gemini. This has to do with me.’
I stated calmly
It was a truth and a lie, yet I couldn't separate the two
He came
to the phone
He was
drunk
Twelve
thirty in the afternoon
I asked
that he not trespass Gemini’s space
That when
he and she come by unannounced, in this space, in that space
It is the same disease
It is the same rape
Of innocence…as
when he came into our room as children, in the night Unwanted, unsolicited
Silence
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’
He denied…twice
Didn’t remember
He said
No matter
I continued
‘If Gemini never returns your call, or
speaks to you or her, it is her choice and you will abide by it
Gemini
gives permission
Gemini
decides
You
do not decide
She
is not yours
You do not treat her as you wish
You
do not rule her
Got
it?’
His
slurred speech amplified
Self
righteousness engaged
The weight
of my voice compressed his
My
incisors
Tore into
him
‘YOU-DO-NOT--DECIDE….SHE
DECIDES…AND IF IT IS NEVER
THEN IT IS NEVER
UNDERSTAND?’
He said
he did
Conceded
Hung up
the phone
I was
shaken
Aflame
with anger
Ungrounded
All of
that day I remained with Gemini
That day
I did as
an adult
What I
did not do as a child
I pulled
him off of her
With Love
and respect for the depth of All wounding, and our Power found therein,
I remain
Lesley
Hallelujah
Heartist
I've been reading a book by Parker Palmer and for some reason what you wrote connected with something that he had written. He says, "Within me is a power of darkeness that may tempt me to want to "kill you off" when you threaten some concept of reality or morality that I cherish. I will not do it with a weapon but with a mental dismissal, some way of putting you into a category of people whose opinions mean nothing to me. Now I no longer need to be bothered by your otherness or by the tension it creates in me. That, it seems to me, is the spiritual equivalent of murder: I have rendered you utterly irrelevant to my life."
ReplyDeleteWhen children are not cherished, they can be dismissed; when anyone is not cherished, they can be dismissed. You cherish Gemini and are making sure that she is clearly seen and never forgotten. I think that you are awesome. Karen
Thank you for your comment Karen :-) I believe Life is layered, including the written word. The theme you mention above is indeed the energy I refer to as Goliath. In earlier entries where I tell the story of Aries, the character Mary is Goliath, as is my father...as am I. In the entry the Magic Mirror Gate, I refer to theme specifically when I ask myself if I am a monster. This theme also plays out in many of my other entries where I step outside Mary and my father, into the Ego (described as a pecking bird of prey). It can also be found in my most recent entry, 'I carried her.'
DeleteI think if humanity truly 'saw' each other, a great source of hate would be eradicated. It begins with Self-Love and how we pass that on to the children in our lives.
Thanks for your sharing Karen :-)