This morning
I cried
I cried
a primal
cry
a
deep
sorrowful
shameful
cry
as my Therapist
held me
on her warm leather sofa
She cooed softly
gently
urging me to let it out
she
remained present
and calm
Fearless
she
kept me close
as I broke
as I shattered into
a fine mist
within her
embrace
embrace
her soft
knit sweater
felt comforting
felt real
against my wet cheek
against my wet cheek
more real than I felt
in that moment
I barely existed
my pain stemmed
from
how I had failed
I had failed to see
the Love around me
I failed myself, I failed You, I failed us
She agreed
with You
you see
(and she's right, I agree)
(and she's right, I agree)
It's not your job
to be anything for me
I cannot
demand it
you were right
I was controlling
not in details
nor in ordinary life
but in how I wanted
to receive Your love
your gift
I moved
through
I moved
through
waves of shame
sadness
regret
I had hurt You
I was hurting Me
I felt
weak from sobbing
weak from
not breathing
weak from failing
weak still
from fighting
from fighting
the evil
that keeps telling me
there is no Love
(that you do not Love me)
weak from believing
the evil
that is trying to
convince me
that no one can be trusted
(that you are not safe)
weak from hearing
the evil
tell me these lies
to destroy me
pushing
plotting
hoping
that I destroy myself
that I destroy myself
I felt weak from so many things
but I rest firmly in one Strength
and it sustains my Life...
Love can conquer anything
even karma
This is written for every Heartist, every Warrior of Love, for every one of us who's needs were not met as children. This is for those who just want to be held in Love, while treading through darkness, there is Love and Light for us all if we keep walking, it is our Destiny to see it and be it...it is our Destiny to win.
I remain,
Lesléy
Hallelujah Heartist
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