Throbbing in the afterglow of an intense energetic orgasm, I let it ebb gently until all that remained was warmth, bliss. I don’t recall how long I explored the fantasy, I felt gone a long time. I sat up carefully, my energy had been expended and I was weak. I combed my hair with my hand, perspiration had seeped through my pores and I was sweaty all over. I shook my head in wonder, what happened? Of course I knew, what I didn’t understand was how imagining Aries could illicit my response. Panic surfaced.
What did this all mean? Was I gay? Was I in love with Aries? A fine time to discover all this, I was already married to my husband, Eros. The panic grew. There was something else…guilt. I had crossed a line in my fantasy, and even though we were both adults, Aries was my goddaughter, what have I done? Although my fantasy didn’t consist of carnal touch, energetically it felt sexual to me. Could I have mistaken sexual feelings for sensuality all these years in relation to Aries? Could the electricity in my chest when I held her have been sexual energy I didn’t recognize? My questions were mounting. I scheduled an emergency appointment with Indigo.
The next day I felt better although I was still confused and my meeting with Indigo remained a few days away.
Aries and I had always had a connection. Perhaps this was all I was tapping in to. Tenaciously searching for the truth, I decided to repeat the experience, adding touch.
Lying on my sofa, I let my imagination take me back to the same fantasy. Aries' tender expression held my gaze, the low light softened the worries of time, she was the younger beauty that left me to die in the desert. She stepped in, her full bosom pressed firmly against me. I drew her in closer still, my hands rested securely on her petite frame. Drawing a fine line down her chest, I felt her open. My energy slipped into her, pulsing, licking her. Her body responded and she let out a sigh. Her energy held me there, pulling me into a dance. Aries’ warm breath whispered inaudibly against my neck. We began to sway. I tightened my hold on her, felt her nipples harden against me. She lifted her chin. I felt her urgency, her need. It poured into me, dripped languidly down the inside of my body until it pooled between my legs. I moved my face into her. Felt the softness of her skin; felt her nuzzle her face into mine. I released a painful sigh, directed it to her ear. Could you hear Aries, how it hurt me all these years to be away from you? My lips traced her pretty jaw, searching for the moistness that hovered near. I breathed into her, she inhaled my heat. Our energies merged, 'give me your tongue,’ I whispered. Aries’ full lips glistened as she parted her mouth to reveal an extension of what lay between. ‘This is what I taste like,’ I murmured, as the tip of my tongue met hers. All these years and it came to this. I wanted her to want me. In my fantasy, she did. Aries kissed me back, achingly fulfilling a need. I was no longer her rejected in exile. The more she kissed me the wetter I became. All the while our energy pulled us, moved and tied us further into binding light. I walked her against the wall, would not let her go. We moved into my small meditation room. On the floor lay a soft black throw. I placed her down gently, held my weight as I lay atop her, caressed her forehead and admired her beauty. My Mother Mary candle cast shadows, lighting this little room it resembled a cave, small, private and warm. I touched Aries, kissed her; absorbed all her pain. Her face will look different when I’m through, when I've consumed her every hurt and given her all of me. On the fantasy went until I climaxed once again, completely bathed in perspiration and with the feeling that I had really just fucked her.
Emerging from another ecstatic exercise, I knew what awaited me. My mind, my ego, all my fears, would now wake from their uncomfortable slumber to kill all the beauty I felt. In a few moments, all that will remain will be ugly.
Continued on Tuesday July 19th 2011
Until then, I remain yours,
Lesley
Hallelujah Heartist
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