The Betrayer

You
Want
Me
To
Respect
You

You
Make
Me
Jump
For
Your
Love

I
Do
What
It
Takes

I
Do
What
You
Need
Me
To
Do
     Even if It
Shakes
     Me
     Even if It Scares Me
To
My
Core
     I Do what
     YOU
     NEED
I Do This
..I'll Do More

I Do it
For
You
I
Do it
For
US
 
I
Bow
Before
You

I
Kneel
Before
You
     Vulnerable
     As a True Warrior of Love
          In Soul
          Must Be

My
Head
Hung
With
All
The
Faith
In
My
Heart

Even
With
Sword
In
Hand
     And My Neck
     Exposed
I
Keep
My
Eyes
Shut
For
I
Believe
In
     Your
     Heart
I
Trust
In
    You

But
Your
Sword
Swung
Down
     Not
     To Protect Me
   
Not
     To Sever my Head

No
     You
     Aimed
     At
     My
     Chest
     Where
        I
     Live
     Where
        I
     Love

You
Do
Not
     See
The
Blood
Pool
At your
     Feet
     Staining your garment
Or
Inhale
The
Stench
Of
The
Deed
     Through
     The
     Vanity
Of
Your
Perfume

You
Want
Me
To
Respect
You
     Your
     Wishes
Your
Demands
     But
You
Don't
Want
     To
     Give
     Any
     Of
     It
     In
     Return


I remain,

Faithful to Love, to the belief that it is still seeking Me, Somewhere, and with Someone who feels my Worth.

Lesley
Hallelujah Heartist

Thy Will be done

Thy Will be done
And then
Some
I can’t run
          From you
Yet I can’t run to you

I share
Tempers flare
We both
Get
Lost
          In a frost
Of defences
          ...mean words

You say I stress you out
It’s all about me
You feel unheard
And fail
To
See
          ...you didn’t consider me
At All

An afterthought
Found too late
While
You’re
In the forefront
Of a life
I want
To
Create
          ...with you

I didn’t get to speak
About Divine Will
About
How I’d follow
Your
Wisdom
With Us

It seems
It’s always
Too much
Maybe you’re
Right

And
Now
Thy Will was done
With
‘Have a good one’

How easily
You forget
My
Nature
   Who I am
...how easily
Cast aside
Like a cheap
Experience
No longer worth
          Your time
          Your Heart
Or mind

Thy Will be done


I remain,  lost in untrust

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

You Wonder Why...

Lies

Lies

All kind

Of

Lies


And

You wonder

Why

I don't trust

You


You

Wonder

Why

I can't just

Go

Along


You

Wonder

Why

I

Take
Things

Negatively


It's

Because of

Lies


It's

Because

I don't
Trust
You

It's

Because

I can't
Trust
You


You

Wonder

Why...

It's because
You
Lie


...But I don't care for your Lies

Anymore

...And I don't care for your Whys

Either

Now...  
I
Just
Don't
Care



A Lie, is a Lie no matter your reason Why.  So Why did You Lie?  Wait...it doesn't matter Why, it's a Lie.  And Lies don't deserve any Power...or Me.

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

A Need to Pray

A surge
Of Light
Converges
At the Threshold
Of my Temple
          ...and my pussy aches
An
Ebb
Flows
Upward
Within my Chest
Up my Spine
           A Vine
           A Twine
Binding
Time
          ...and my pussy to Yours
How
Do
I
Cope
With the scope
Of Want?

With whom
Can I plead
To Satisfy
And Heed
          ...my need to fuck
When it is You
When it is You
When it is You
     That moves me
     To
     Be
So Free in Love
In Want
So Free in Need
     To merge with your Soul
To make Love until we're Whole
          ...and our Hearts weep

The sanctuary is hollow
     You
     My Faithful
Are no longer at my Gate
     I am your Exiled
No longer wanted
Or allowed
No longer your Servant
     In Wait
          ...and I do not know
How long I'll stay
For you've sent me
Away
To eventually
Pray
        ...at another altar


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Two Crows Dance

The Midnight Sky
Is Clear
          Her Flesh
A Tapestry of Light
          Her Body
Darkness made Brilliant
By the Mystery of Stars
          Who sing a song
          For those who listen

...and the Angels watch

Two Crows
Travel
By Night
Two Crows
Dance
In Flight
          They do not know
How the Dance
Will go
     
High
They Fly
Take the Same Star
Into
Their beaks
        Take that Same Light
        As they Seek
Love

Yet...

They must be Delicate
For Power is Intricate
For Love is Bright
          And So casts a deep Shadow
That can
Swallow
          Them whole
          If they judge themselves
          or each other
If their Hearts
Harden into stone

But the Shadow is not
Wrong
          For Being
Nor is the Light
More Divine
          For Seeing

...and the Angels watched 

Two Crows
As they Honoured
That Star
          As Divine
Carried it
Forward in Surrender
Through time
And
In
Trusting their Dance in Flight
          Those Two Crows
          Became
          That Star
          In the Night


The dance between Light and Shadow is not easy.  They Each define the depth of the Other.  Without this dance, there can be no movement.  Without movement, there is no life, no evolution...no Transformation.  Love and Her journey, is the Star that Transforms us if we are able to Be and Receive each other in the Shadow of her light, and learn her lesson of Unconditional loving.

In depth of my Love,

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Becoming

My Heart skips a beat
Dancing to the rhythm
In your chest
          Between the folds of Life
I lose my Breath
           And catch Yours
Deep within Me
A seed is planted

My Soul
          Is
As it learns to grasp
That which cannot
Be caught
          Yet must be Held
           If Love is to Live
That which must be Held
         Yet must be Free
          If Love is to See
                    The Beauty
                    It Creates
                    Extends Infinitely

My Being softens
At Your eyes
At Your touch
          At You
Miscommunication
Mistakes
Misunderstandings
          Fall away
          Each time I see your Face
Another Flower Blooms
Inside me

Can you not see?
          An exquisite Garden exists because of You


Relationship to All requires patience, forgiveness, and an Honest Self.  It's a Path that asks all Heartists to be more than what we believe we Are...thus being exactly who we are intended to Be - Radiant Beauty.


With all my Love, I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Come out the Light

The Moon is high
Bright with Light
Shadows rise as if by program...

I walk on
Past burnt fields
Barren
Charred
With remains of all sorts
          The Night can only hide so much
And the stench
          Remains thick in this place

Lovers
Memories
Darkness
          Childhood

The smoke
Chokes
Everything
 
I cough
Trip over my feet
Fall
Try to catch my Breath
          I roll over
The blood comes up
My chest burns
I just might die here
          With all of them

I gasp
Spit
Claw into the dirt
          In panic

Suddenly
As if by Angelic Grace
Or Thought
I remember You
          And feel Alive
          (Inspirar)

The wind blows
          Enters my lungs
Its soft movement
Whispers in my ear
          (wake up, Wake up...Wake Up)

I feel the dirt
          The stones
Against my ribs
          Cold
          Uncomfortable
My face
Crushed against sand
           Wood
           Metal
All unforgiving
All eager to leave scars

I hear a voice in my head
          A lyric or two
          Scrambled to be Present
To remind me
Perhaps
To
Save me...

          Love would never leave us Alone
          ay in the darkness there must come out to Light
Could you be Loved
And be Loved?

Could I be Loved?

How will I ever know
If I lay here
Choosing to die
          Amongst the dead?

The sky is churning
Rain is falling
Transforming the decay
Washing the ground
          Clearing my mind

Bob (Marley) is not my Uncle
But
Tonight...
...He's an unassuming Prophet
Who reminded me
          To come out the Light


For all the Heartists who Walk their Talk through adversity; this is a reminder that it is from Light that we come into darkness, and from darkness we come out the Light.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

When I Wake

I walk into the Garden
It is Beautiful
Beyond compare
         I Dare
Chase
The Sun
         Her Fire
         Is a Lion

I walk around
This happy place
Killing all the flowers
Destroying their power
Each step
          Lethal
          Toxic

How do I Stop
Murdering this space?
          The Sun's lovely Grace?
For each movement
Of my foot
          Leaves a mark
          In her heart

Each footfall
Moves me closer
To my demise
          With all my Why's
I just may fall down a deep Well
          For I can't tell
          Or see the ground
          Covered with fallen petals
                     Because of Me

I sit in the Garden
And am afraid to move
Am afraid that I have killed the thing
          That brings me Joy
Am afraid to share Me
For I hurt the Sun with my presence
          For I am Unintended in this Garden
          The Sun has proclaimed me Unwanted
          And I have wounded the Lion
                    And her Pride

          I hide
In the Garden
And weep
Until I sleep

When I wake
Perhaps I won't be
            The Ugly
            The Toxic
            The Controlling
            The Disrespectful
Energy
In your Life

Perhaps when I wake
I'll be someone
You could love

Perhaps when I wake
I'll be someone
Else


In sadness and regret for having hurt those I care deeply for,

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Be

You left
In a hurry

I’m left
Feeling
Vulnerable
          For your Kiss

Vulnerable
With warmth
          That’s exists
In my chest

Today
You were tender
In soft surrender
In Open
Longing
For a depth of Love
That can be

But were you with Me?
Are you ever
          with Me?

Or are you
With your Body?
Or your
Mind?
As your thoughts
          Find
Their way
Into some space
          I feel
                    Should belong to me
       
In my Cave
          By the Sea
          There is a nest
The Ocean here is warm
Soft
Powerful
          Here
          You can Rest

And Be


Open to the connecting energy of Love and how it moves through us, to us, because of us, caressing our longing for the satisfaction of being touched in a depth so complete, we become All things and Nothing at its sacred Breath.

I remain, open and waiting,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Embrace (of ecstasy)

With
The
Tip
of
Your
Tongue
     I become
Timeless

The
Soul
Shatters
Trembles
     Disassembles
          Itself

There
Is no
     I
There
Is no
     Me
          I dissolve
          Into Being
Reassemble
In
Ecstasy
   
With
The
Softness
of
Your
Sighs
     My thighs
Spread

My
Heart
Opens
Changes
    Rearranges
           Itself
 
There
Is no
     You
There
Is no
     Me
          There is
          Us
Embraced
In
Ecstasy

Ever enthralled in the feeling...

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Some mornings

Some mornings
I linger
In Bed
I think of You

My thighs become wet
My pussy pulsates
          With longing

Some mornings
I hold You
In memory
          Caress
Your warm body
          With my Energy

My mouth becomes dry
Parched by heat
With
The Fire
The Desire
          To fuck you
          From behind
To have You Surrender
To Your Will
          Let the Body kill the Mind

Our
Open Breath
Is the only
          Sound...

...Usher me to Life
          Divine little death
                  (le petite mort)
          I am lost
          In You
I am Found

My Heart Expands
Quenched
By the movement
Of your sweet release
          My inner Being
Trembles
Against you
Until you cease
          To move

It travels
I unravel
I linger in bed

Some mornings
          I come undone


I lay in wait...

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist






         

Reaching for the Cradle

I remember
When I was
A
Star
A spec
So small
          Yet so Grand

I was tiny
Insignificant
In a Universe
Outstandingly Beautiful
          Forged of Heat
          And Sand

I was Love
I was Seen
I was Joy
          My Light
Streamed
In Perfection
          And I could Feel You
Feel Me
          We were One
          In Unity
In Connection
     

Now
I long
To be Touched
          By a Love
More Powerful
Than my Limited
          Self
Allows
For Sustenance

Now
I yearn
To become
All That I Am
          From each strand
Across the galaxy
          To wet Surrender
In Nights' Ecstasy
           Yielding softly
           At your hand


I am
Reaching
For Touch
Reaching
For the Cradle
          of Love
               Sublime
It held me Once
          So Completely
I was Whole
I was Divine

I remember
When I was
A
Star
A spec
So small
          And All Love was Mine

For all Heartists whose journey is, at times, filled with self-doubt in our Worth, confusion in where we stand, and overwhelm by the immense need for Wholeness... our vulnerability is Brave.   It is changing our World.

I AM
Because I Love
I LOVE
Because I am

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Fractured

Fractured
At the
Head
Where
All is said
Where lines are spread
          Throughout

Fractured
At the Heart
It's a possibility
          I'll fall apart
The pieces
Blow away

Fractured
At the
Hips
So near
To Heaven's
Lips
          I wait
          At the Gate

Fractured
At the knees
Where
I posture
With Please
          To Worship
          At your Temple

Fractured
At the
Feet
Where
Soft touch
Becomes Sweet
          At a Lover's
          Tender kiss
       
Fractured
At the
Reflection
          of Labels
For inspection
     By All Hearts     
          Who are learning
     To be Free


For all the Love in the Universe
For all the Love not yet Felt, Found or Known
My Body Opens, I Surrender to You


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

About that song I sang...

If I was wrong
About the song
I sang
Where 
I saw you smile
Struggle silently
To grasp a Way of Being
For a While
          That felt comfortable to you
          When
          It felt
You were with me
          Yet not
You were here
Yet forgot
          I see beyond
          Your beautiful face

If I was wrong
About the song
I sang
Where
Your eyes
          Appeared Wild to Me
Because of the overwhelming 
          Energy
Flooding your Mind
With Everything
          All thoughts
          All feelings
          All dreams
          All nightmares too
Flooding You
          When
          It felt 
You were with me
          Yet not
You were here
Yet forgot
          To see beyond
          To your own Beautiful soul

Yes
If I was wrong
About that song
     I sang
...I'm sorry 

It can be challenging to see a pebble call itself a rock, when you know it is a Diamond.  


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Moment

In a cave

Beneath the Stars

          By the shore

A soft light burned

Transformed into red embers

Became no more

Here you held my face

Here we lay vulnerable

          Locked in Place

With naked bodies

With naked Souls

In this darkness

The Shadow of Self 

Appeared

Made itself known

It said

          Fear is here

          Lend me your ear

          Give me your heart

And I 

          Felt

          Less

          Than

Tears streamed 

Suddenly

Quietly

Fear uttered quickly

Purposefully

Soft murmurs that created pain

Old words spoken

          To keep me chained

In Lies

I felt your eyes

Pierce me

Heard your voice

Whispering 

          You are Unique

          And Special

          In this one tender moment

I believed

          Those words

In this one open moment

I was unseen by Fear

          I was Yours

In a cave

Beneath the Stars

          By the shore

We gave each other

          The Breath 

               of Surrender

          And I was

Transformed

I remain, confused, unsure, imperfect; yet willing to experience Love in its mysterious way, for as long as it stays

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Morning Light

I thought I heard you say
I love you

I fell asleep to the thought

Fell asleep
     And Fought
          Other words

I thought I heard you say
It’s over

Stayed awake to the thought

Tossed and turned
     And Fought
          The possibility

I thought I heard you say

You’re out of my league

I listened to the thought

Cried in the night
     And Fought
          The Truth

I thought I heard you Sigh

Sweetly

Felt it ripple like a thought

Throughout my body
     And Fought
           My need
To make Love to you
Again

I thought I heard you say

I surrender

I became an open Thought

Soaked-in your wetness
       And Fought
            The Morning Light
               ...and lost

I remain,
ever thankful for Life's sweet graces, caresses, and intimate moments in the night.

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

A Time to Go

Standing by the fire
I saw her transform
Her soft features

They drew me into the past
When I first encountered her, saving my life
From the Owl who followed me in the desert
          Aries
No
There are no cages strong enough
No good reason to keep a bird tied
When Spirit intended them to be free
So shall it be

Her sweet face, full of grace
Gave me a half-smile
          Her goodbye
                         'We gave it a try...'
It said
As she turned away

Through narrow smoke
She shook her cloak
Took Nights form
          And flew to the sea

Ocean Hawk had left me at the Shore
We had agreed
To 'no-more'
And so I am here
          Alone

I sit against uneven rock
Heavy with memories
Recorded within
Its warm rest        
          Beckons me
And Deeper
          I stare into the fire
          Whose flame I cannot resist

My mind goes blank
I am warmed
By the hypnotic caress
The Sweet undress
Of my soul
To this, a bright light grounded in sand

My heart steps fast
I open my eyes
          Gasp
In Panic

The fire is bright
The blaze is hot, full height
And I wonder...
          Will I be burned?


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

My Heart

My Heart is empty

          Is it Open?

I do not know

My Heart is a Portal

Into Somewhere

Deep

         Shared by boundaries of snow

It is the Hawk in deep Winter

Who shares warmth

With Fire's glow

My Heart

Is a Message 

With words

          Words that find pleasure

          Words that have measure

          Words that are a treasure          

To Heartists like me

My Heart

Is abstract in Nautre

Its strength found in Trees

          Found on Wood

          Spattered with Paint

Emotion

Set Free

My Heart

Is the Magical Sea

It is the Shore

Where I battle

Now and Then

My Heart

Is the determined

Warrior

Whose feet

Journey

To a Loving End

My Heart

Is the Path to the Way

          Which is that?

I do not Know

My Heart 

Is a Passage

Across time

          Across time

I Dare to Go

Happy New Year to all my Heartists, Warriors of Love.  This past year the battle seemed alive from within, creating all manner of projection and self-reflection.  I am learning to Let Go, Let Live and Let Love.  It is a different kind of Love, Self-Love.  I am a work in progress.  We can change our Universe, our World, our Life, with one sweet intention at a time, it begins with us.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist, Warrior of Love

Words on a sheet

I dreamt of you

We were dancing
Together

I awoke
Feeling as if we were friends
      Sobered
          To the current experience
That we are enemies
Of sorts

I was annoyed

I wanted to linger
In the Past
In the feeling
          Of You
          Of Us
               Before others contaminated it
               With their perversion
               Their Definition
                    Their lies
          Before you allowed their poison
          To pass through Our Gate
                    Into Our world
                    Our very own place
                    Soon destroyed
                    Soon devoid
Of all Magic, all Life

The dream
Short in duration
Touched ever so slightly
On the feeling I had
Those many years ago
          When I held you
When I held you and the music played
Your arms about my neck
I would let you Be
          No words needed
          Here in Our world
I held you
You spoke all you needed to speak
Sometimes with Silence
With a sob or two
          Sometimes a few
During these moments
          I felt you loved me
          So deeply...
                    I could no longer
                    Fear the Ocean
We would sway
Gently
Side to side
But I would not move my feet
They were rooted
          Planted in spot
          For You
I would not let you Fall
I would not Break
I would be your Strength
          As you battled those who hated me
          As you battled feelings you never expressed to me
                   (But saved them, instead, somewhere within a book I've never read)
I was your Tree
You were the comfort of the Sun
          In April
Who clung to me

But in the End
My dear
I broke
Was torn down
Turned to paper
          Threatened by the hateful Fire
          That fled your Heart
          In urgency
Aimed at me

You missed

Here I am

Words on a sheet
Carried by the Wind
To a new place
Where my Love for you, and I
Still meet


Thankful for all moments of pure Love, even those still crossing time and dimension, reviving the Universe with Love's Light, creating new stars and miracles of all kinds everywhere.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

       

Reaching

I channel the breath of Life
I hear Her song in Me
She is my Devotion
          My Creation
She is my Destiny

The planets all move
Through a silent sky
Their Mind
          A profound dance
My Heart
Opens Wide

There is a Hymn
In the Universe
I am part of its hum
Do you hear it, my Heartists?
It's where We're from

Every note is my desire
Every change
          A synchronized choir        
Every beat
Brings me Home
To Her Sacred Fire

Listen to Within
To the Energetic Twine
Vibrating
Truth
Calibrating Time

The veil is made of lace
The Universe is Her Face
And We...
          We are the dream
          Reaching
          For Grace

There is a Strength within each of us, it is there, it is real, it is You.  Remembering our Divinity, we are Heartists walking the night and feeling the Stars.  Our Connection is real, and so is our Seeing.  It is time to transcend into Wholeness.  Be Still with each step.  If we listen and feel, we know that we are not alone.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Breath of the Mother Goddess

The Mother Goddess
Breathes

Her Breath is more
Than an Ocean

Her Love
Is Beyond
This World
And Still...
Her Heart Beats
In each of Us

Her Gifts
Are too Numerous
To Admire
Yet we try
          So we may feel Her protection in our Souls
She breathes within the Mind
Of our DNA
Of every strand possible in Creation
Her Breath is both Life
          And Transformation

She is the Bearer of Light
Her Shine is seen throughout
Dimensions
Throughout the many Universes
All Life
Continuity without suspension

For every tree that Bends
There is one that breaks
For every Life Given
Another takes

Her heart cannot hold
Denial born in Me
Her Breath is an Offering
Intended
To set me Free
           Of the shackles
           I created

Can we not Hold Love
For more than one day?
Can we not lay on her breast
For always
Enjoying the Way?
          Of the Mother Goddess
          Soothing us with Song
          Reminding us
          Her People
          That we Belong
          To Her Passionate Breath
We call
Life


We are walking a new walk.  Singing a new song.  There is no turning back now, Heartists...we are One.

Ever in awe of the Mother Goddess, ever in awe of the Intricate Mind of Life, humbly

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Cara Linda, Boca Santa

Late April of this year
I had a dream

An otherworldly dream

One that marked the beginning
Yes
The beginning

And so it began...

I found myself in a line-up
Lucid
Aware
     '...what am I doing here?' I questioned

I looked to the right
Then to the left
I saw elderly women, mostly, and a few men
     Including a young mother and her two children
     '...where am I going?  Are they here on vacation? Am I here on vacation?'
     The questions came
     The answers followed

I was on a cliff
In a line-up
Of people going back Home
     In this case, home was Portugal, or rather, the Islands...the Acores

I chuckled in wonderment
     '...I've never dreamt of Portugal, It's not my home.  I must be here to meet family!'

There was a make-shift elevator
It was made of canvas
It was worked by men heaving a rope as they hoisted people down ten or fifteen feet

I hitched a ride with an elderly lady who was dressed in black
Clung to the outside of the fabric

When we landed
I saw one of the most beautiful sights I've seen
In my Dreaming

There was land above us
Sheltering this open space
We were now just slightly below
Sea level

I was taken aback
By how deep the water was that surrounded us
There were strong men
Lumberjack-type men
Bathing their horses in these deep waters

The horses
Many horses
All of them Robust
                Powerful
All of them White
     Were in the water
               Chest and neck high

The feeling is challenging to describe

I felt a feeling and had a thought

First, I felt the connection between the men and their horses
They were interwoven, as One
This was unmistakeable
     The horses belonged to these men
     The men belonged to these horses

Second, I thought, 'these waters are too high, how can these horses be so calm?
                               They seem made for this weather.'
The horses remained relaxed and steadfast as the water swayed and slapped against them

I turned to my left and saw the Ocean
It was high as it poured into the pools surrounding us
     Threatening to wet our feet as we waited to cross to the other side
               To the Island

The water was rough, full of movement
And so very Beautiful
     The sky's low-sitting clouds rolled into the ocean
     And the Ocean rolled back into the sky
               It was active
               A dance
               I was captivated
I asked the guide where I could buy a camera
I needed to capture this beauty somehow, if I could
               I was told there were places
               Once we crossed the water to the other side

...and then I awoke

Later that day I received notice that my grandmother was very ill
Likely to pass, I should come visit

The dream made sense, you see, it was the beginning
The beginning of an end

The dream was the place where my grandmother would go, Home
The horses were calm, White and powerful, they symbolized death
               They stood in deep water, water to their chest, the method by which it would come
The Ocean was high, active and beautiful, the dark clouds were heavy and mesmerizing
               Both, as One, symbolizing Transition and the natural beauty of it
               It also symbolized literally, the weather at the time of her passing

On the morning of Jun 22nd
I dreamt a nightmare

I saw my beloved grandmother's face
Pale, skeletal
Eyes wide in fear or startle
Mouth open, ajar
Filled entirely with water as though it was a pond
              A short wide straw, floating about, created ripples
              Gave the impression of its depth
              And horror

My favourite person
     The only person
     Who managed to have never yelled at me
              Me...not once
              Me...the rebellious, challenging, disobedient child who broke things
      She...the only person I ever trusted fully
Passed away
              When she gave way
              To the fluid that filled her lungs

com muito amor
para sempre Madrinha

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist
           



           

Dreamtime

Light of the Flame
What is your Name?
You - who sits in the dark
           Enchanting the stars
They pierce your chest
           Blowing Life into a Spark

You - in the cave of your Heart
Humming softly
          By the fire where you dwell
Give of your Self
As you write in the night
          Magic intended to compel

          All who Feel
          All who Dream
          All who live within you
                       Lovers in all time - surface in rhyme
          Offering a caress or two

So tell me a Story
Write me a Song
Dream me to Life
          As you do
For I've been pierced by your Light
Have felt your Heart in the Night
For you
Are my Magic too



I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

An Imperfect Birthday Wish

The odd time
I dream of You

You are there
With others
          Sometimes you see me
          Almost always, you avoid me

The odd time
You are kind to me
A warm Truth on another plain
         A warm smile on a neutral Terrain
         We call the Higher Self

I wake with a gentle feeling
A Knowing
A Gift
          As though I've felt the real You
          An Inner Depth
          Uncommon and Beautiful

I Reflect and Connect

A slight twinge of Joy
          Emerges from my chest
          Purrs wishfully
Words that say
Peace between us
          Can still be

And then quite suddenly unpleasant memories rush me
          Wrong action
          That destroyed
          Possibilites

Wrong Words
Wrong Time
The same old Circular Reference
          Plaguing all logic
          And all relationships

There were a few awkward moments
          (seriously, we can smile about it now, can't we?)
Unnamable errors in judgement

The mathematical and Emotional problem of it      
Is that - it simply can't be solved...

...Not with your Final Words
          To end all calculation
Drawing only one conclusion

Yes, I remember your final words
          Echoes of Shame
          Still felt
          These many years later

At how I made you feel
At the reflection I saw
         In the cracked mirror of my-Self
         A Monster
         …The Beast that Beauty could not Love
         Or rather
         Would not Love (we are not all meant to be)

I am sorry I drew panic from you, that you felt fear because of me
I am sorry I could not rise above my own wonder
          Of You
(our stars collided so ungracefully, could any good have come from it?  I'd like to believe so.)

I am Human
I am ever looking to the Divine for help
Especially since I fuck up Big
          Understand
          I will not be sorry forever, it's time to move on  

Happy Birthday
I know I'm a little late
But I don't care
          (I know you don't care - and that's okay)
This is the Year of New Beginnings
I wish You all the Best
          May this Beginning rival all those before it


To All my Heartists, Warriors of Love...it is time to walk together in a new way.  Time to  gather each other beyond sad, stagnant and barren fields where we lost our last battle.  It is time we see fear and sadness in each other's eyes and respond with Love and kindness.  We bleed the same.  We cry for the same reasons.  Our hopes and fears are the same.  Isn't it time we Love ourselves so we can Love each other?  It's time.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

So Much Egypt, So Little Time…An Incomplete Summary

Visit upon visit
Each Temple a Holy Place
Each Holy Place, the Earth

We stood on ley lines
          Now shifted due to people's energies
Power Spots
          That literally radiated energy
          Out of our finger tips
                    Where we stood
                    (we know this, we measured it, seriously - we had equipment)

A Shrine
A Holy Place
A Powerful Space
          That reduced me to tears
          Before we entered
          To stand before her Sacredness
I sobbed
Uncontrollably, actually
          I don't know what came over me
Or rather, that anything was in me ready to come through me and out
But the trip was to be about Healing
Afterall
This was to be expected

The Temple of Edfu
Brought Pain
Mixed Energies
I disliked this place
The mixed energy here did its job, brought up pain for release
I cried before the temple
I cried during the carriage ride there when an emaciated horse barely able to pull
          Took us to this foreboding place
This was the Healing
The Horses
I cried in the Temple
I realized that in many lifetimes, I had been ignorant, a user of animals, an abuser
This was my Pain, this was my Healing…it was my Karma
                                                                   And the Hurt was Profound
It came up again when I saw our carriage waiting to take us back to our stead
I went to my room
Took a hot shower
          Hoping to clear out my energy field of the pain
          This is where I released the most
          Sobbing on the shower floor
          Begging Forgiveness
                    As I did a Karmic Clearing on myself
This Healing would remain with me the rest of the day
A Shadow that lingered
Yet an experience that had opened a door
For what lay next

The Great Pyramid of Giza
Was not what they say it is
At least not to me
I found mixed energies in the King's Chamber
          I couldn't bring myself to smile for the camera
          No, this was not a Tomb
          Perhaps a place of ritual, or sacrifice
          Yes, perhaps
The Queen's chamber brought relief
The scientific panels inside were measuring…something
The Great Pyramid generates Heat you know
And no one's been able to figure out how, or why
We sat and journaled here
Looking up at the Ceiling
It felt like a window to another Galaxy, Another Planet
Another Home
          Staring up at the apex, I cried and cried
          I journaled and scrawled and cried some more
The words that came were, 'What is my purpose Here, when my People -You -are there?
          Over and over the words swayed in my head
          A mantra born of longing
Then the Angel Gabriel said, 'We are One'... I forgot I had invited the Angels
I continued to cry and write, 'They are a Tribe, my People, My Home,
                                               Builders of the Earth.  God Ordained it.
                                               The Angels Knew it too.'
I felt a deep sadness
My longing to be there, directly above in the Sky
Was now made clear, the depth of it shook me
          At this moment a great truth came undone
My main reason for being there
Was to climb the highest point in that place
So They can see me…so I can be seen by them…Again…had they forgotten me?
I cried through this realization (Yes, there were a lot of tears)
We moved on...
          The Well
Was the last chamber
It was a steep descent, small, incubating
The makeshift steps ended and so began a crawl
Out, finally, into a large open space
Where I inhaled and exhaled a deep breath
The open space was serene
Calming
Holy
Intentional
A place of Offering
A place of Birth
          The words and images streamed easily here

The hike back up was gruelling
It was an achievement just to get out
The narrow passage gave way to the Exit
And it was Night
Two stray dogs played in the nearly black desert
           It was beautiful

The Nile is a calm river
There is magic in this place
          Especially at night when the Stars are out and you are open to their Mystery
Gliding through the warm air, sitting on the top deck of a small boat
Feeling the Nile's Peace, its hidden power
                                             Its Heartbeat

I have yet to integrate all the Blessings, Teachings and Healings
It will take time
The more I empty, the more I will remember
          I won't be the only one it affects
I'm waiting
Watching
Wondering
          'What will happen next?'


I remain, ever humbled by Life, its Glory and Beauty,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist