Reaching for the Cradle

I remember
When I was
A
Star
A spec
So small
          Yet so Grand

I was tiny
Insignificant
In a Universe
Outstandingly Beautiful
          Forged of Heat
          And Sand

I was Love
I was Seen
I was Joy
          My Light
Streamed
In Perfection
          And I could Feel You
Feel Me
          We were One
          In Unity
In Connection
     

Now
I long
To be Touched
          By a Love
More Powerful
Than my Limited
          Self
Allows
For Sustenance

Now
I yearn
To become
All That I Am
          From each strand
Across the galaxy
          To wet Surrender
In Nights' Ecstasy
           Yielding softly
           At your hand


I am
Reaching
For Touch
Reaching
For the Cradle
          of Love
               Sublime
It held me Once
          So Completely
I was Whole
I was Divine

I remember
When I was
A
Star
A spec
So small
          And All Love was Mine

For all Heartists whose journey is, at times, filled with self-doubt in our Worth, confusion in where we stand, and overwhelm by the immense need for Wholeness... our vulnerability is Brave.   It is changing our World.

I AM
Because I Love
I LOVE
Because I am

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Fractured

Fractured
At the
Head
Where
All is said
Where lines are spread
          Throughout

Fractured
At the Heart
It's a possibility
          I'll fall apart
The pieces
Blow away

Fractured
At the
Hips
So near
To Heaven's
Lips
          I wait
          At the Gate

Fractured
At the knees
Where
I posture
With Please
          To Worship
          At your Temple

Fractured
At the
Feet
Where
Soft touch
Becomes Sweet
          At a Lover's
          Tender kiss
       
Fractured
At the
Reflection
          of Labels
For inspection
     By All Hearts     
          Who are learning
     To be Free


For all the Love in the Universe
For all the Love not yet Felt, Found or Known
My Body Opens, I Surrender to You


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

About that song I sang...

If I was wrong
About the song
I sang
Where 
I saw you smile
Struggle silently
To grasp a Way of Being
For a While
          That felt comfortable to you
          When
          It felt
You were with me
          Yet not
You were here
Yet forgot
          I see beyond
          Your beautiful face

If I was wrong
About the song
I sang
Where
Your eyes
          Appeared Wild to Me
Because of the overwhelming 
          Energy
Flooding your Mind
With Everything
          All thoughts
          All feelings
          All dreams
          All nightmares too
Flooding You
          When
          It felt 
You were with me
          Yet not
You were here
Yet forgot
          To see beyond
          To your own Beautiful soul

Yes
If I was wrong
About that song
     I sang
...I'm sorry 

It can be challenging to see a pebble call itself a rock, when you know it is a Diamond.  


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Moment

In a cave

Beneath the Stars

          By the shore

A soft light burned

Transformed into red embers

Became no more

Here you held my face

Here we lay vulnerable

          Locked in Place

With naked bodies

With naked Souls

In this darkness

The Shadow of Self 

Appeared

Made itself known

It said

          Fear is here

          Lend me your ear

          Give me your heart

And I 

          Felt

          Less

          Than

Tears streamed 

Suddenly

Quietly

Fear uttered quickly

Purposefully

Soft murmurs that created pain

Old words spoken

          To keep me chained

In Lies

I felt your eyes

Pierce me

Heard your voice

Whispering 

          You are Unique

          And Special

          In this one tender moment

I believed

          Those words

In this one open moment

I was unseen by Fear

          I was Yours

In a cave

Beneath the Stars

          By the shore

We gave each other

          The Breath 

               of Surrender

          And I was

Transformed

I remain, confused, unsure, imperfect; yet willing to experience Love in its mysterious way, for as long as it stays

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Morning Light

I thought I heard you say
I love you

I fell asleep to the thought

Fell asleep
     And Fought
          Other words

I thought I heard you say
It’s over

Stayed awake to the thought

Tossed and turned
     And Fought
          The possibility

I thought I heard you say

You’re out of my league

I listened to the thought

Cried in the night
     And Fought
          The Truth

I thought I heard you Sigh

Sweetly

Felt it ripple like a thought

Throughout my body
     And Fought
           My need
To make Love to you
Again

I thought I heard you say

I surrender

I became an open Thought

Soaked-in your wetness
       And Fought
            The Morning Light
               ...and lost

I remain,
ever thankful for Life's sweet graces, caresses, and intimate moments in the night.

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

A Time to Go

Standing by the fire
I saw her transform
Her soft features

They drew me into the past
When I first encountered her, saving my life
From the Owl who followed me in the desert
          Aries
No
There are no cages strong enough
No good reason to keep a bird tied
When Spirit intended them to be free
So shall it be

Her sweet face, full of grace
Gave me a half-smile
          Her goodbye
                         'We gave it a try...'
It said
As she turned away

Through narrow smoke
She shook her cloak
Took Nights form
          And flew to the sea

Ocean Hawk had left me at the Shore
We had agreed
To 'no-more'
And so I am here
          Alone

I sit against uneven rock
Heavy with memories
Recorded within
Its warm rest        
          Beckons me
And Deeper
          I stare into the fire
          Whose flame I cannot resist

My mind goes blank
I am warmed
By the hypnotic caress
The Sweet undress
Of my soul
To this, a bright light grounded in sand

My heart steps fast
I open my eyes
          Gasp
In Panic

The fire is bright
The blaze is hot, full height
And I wonder...
          Will I be burned?


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

My Heart

My Heart is empty

          Is it Open?

I do not know

My Heart is a Portal

Into Somewhere

Deep

         Shared by boundaries of snow

It is the Hawk in deep Winter

Who shares warmth

With Fire's glow

My Heart

Is a Message 

With words

          Words that find pleasure

          Words that have measure

          Words that are a treasure          

To Heartists like me

My Heart

Is abstract in Nautre

Its strength found in Trees

          Found on Wood

          Spattered with Paint

Emotion

Set Free

My Heart

Is the Magical Sea

It is the Shore

Where I battle

Now and Then

My Heart

Is the determined

Warrior

Whose feet

Journey

To a Loving End

My Heart

Is the Path to the Way

          Which is that?

I do not Know

My Heart 

Is a Passage

Across time

          Across time

I Dare to Go

Happy New Year to all my Heartists, Warriors of Love.  This past year the battle seemed alive from within, creating all manner of projection and self-reflection.  I am learning to Let Go, Let Live and Let Love.  It is a different kind of Love, Self-Love.  I am a work in progress.  We can change our Universe, our World, our Life, with one sweet intention at a time, it begins with us.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist, Warrior of Love

Words on a sheet

I dreamt of you

We were dancing
Together

I awoke
Feeling as if we were friends
      Sobered
          To the current experience
That we are enemies
Of sorts

I was annoyed

I wanted to linger
In the Past
In the feeling
          Of You
          Of Us
               Before others contaminated it
               With their perversion
               Their Definition
                    Their lies
          Before you allowed their poison
          To pass through Our Gate
                    Into Our world
                    Our very own place
                    Soon destroyed
                    Soon devoid
Of all Magic, all Life

The dream
Short in duration
Touched ever so slightly
On the feeling I had
Those many years ago
          When I held you
When I held you and the music played
Your arms about my neck
I would let you Be
          No words needed
          Here in Our world
I held you
You spoke all you needed to speak
Sometimes with Silence
With a sob or two
          Sometimes a few
During these moments
          I felt you loved me
          So deeply...
                    I could no longer
                    Fear the Ocean
We would sway
Gently
Side to side
But I would not move my feet
They were rooted
          Planted in spot
          For You
I would not let you Fall
I would not Break
I would be your Strength
          As you battled those who hated me
          As you battled feelings you never expressed to me
                   (But saved them, instead, somewhere within a book I've never read)
I was your Tree
You were the comfort of the Sun
          In April
Who clung to me

But in the End
My dear
I broke
Was torn down
Turned to paper
          Threatened by the hateful Fire
          That fled your Heart
          In urgency
Aimed at me

You missed

Here I am

Words on a sheet
Carried by the Wind
To a new place
Where my Love for you, and I
Still meet


Thankful for all moments of pure Love, even those still crossing time and dimension, reviving the Universe with Love's Light, creating new stars and miracles of all kinds everywhere.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

       

Reaching

I channel the breath of Life
I hear Her song in Me
She is my Devotion
          My Creation
She is my Destiny

The planets all move
Through a silent sky
Their Mind
          A profound dance
My Heart
Opens Wide

There is a Hymn
In the Universe
I am part of its hum
Do you hear it, my Heartists?
It's where We're from

Every note is my desire
Every change
          A synchronized choir        
Every beat
Brings me Home
To Her Sacred Fire

Listen to Within
To the Energetic Twine
Vibrating
Truth
Calibrating Time

The veil is made of lace
The Universe is Her Face
And We...
          We are the dream
          Reaching
          For Grace

There is a Strength within each of us, it is there, it is real, it is You.  Remembering our Divinity, we are Heartists walking the night and feeling the Stars.  Our Connection is real, and so is our Seeing.  It is time to transcend into Wholeness.  Be Still with each step.  If we listen and feel, we know that we are not alone.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Breath of the Mother Goddess

The Mother Goddess
Breathes

Her Breath is more
Than an Ocean

Her Love
Is Beyond
This World
And Still...
Her Heart Beats
In each of Us

Her Gifts
Are too Numerous
To Admire
Yet we try
          So we may feel Her protection in our Souls
She breathes within the Mind
Of our DNA
Of every strand possible in Creation
Her Breath is both Life
          And Transformation

She is the Bearer of Light
Her Shine is seen throughout
Dimensions
Throughout the many Universes
All Life
Continuity without suspension

For every tree that Bends
There is one that breaks
For every Life Given
Another takes

Her heart cannot hold
Denial born in Me
Her Breath is an Offering
Intended
To set me Free
           Of the shackles
           I created

Can we not Hold Love
For more than one day?
Can we not lay on her breast
For always
Enjoying the Way?
          Of the Mother Goddess
          Soothing us with Song
          Reminding us
          Her People
          That we Belong
          To Her Passionate Breath
We call
Life


We are walking a new walk.  Singing a new song.  There is no turning back now, Heartists...we are One.

Ever in awe of the Mother Goddess, ever in awe of the Intricate Mind of Life, humbly

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Cara Linda, Boca Santa

Late April of this year
I had a dream

An otherworldly dream

One that marked the beginning
Yes
The beginning

And so it began...

I found myself in a line-up
Lucid
Aware
     '...what am I doing here?' I questioned

I looked to the right
Then to the left
I saw elderly women, mostly, and a few men
     Including a young mother and her two children
     '...where am I going?  Are they here on vacation? Am I here on vacation?'
     The questions came
     The answers followed

I was on a cliff
In a line-up
Of people going back Home
     In this case, home was Portugal, or rather, the Islands...the Acores

I chuckled in wonderment
     '...I've never dreamt of Portugal, It's not my home.  I must be here to meet family!'

There was a make-shift elevator
It was made of canvas
It was worked by men heaving a rope as they hoisted people down ten or fifteen feet

I hitched a ride with an elderly lady who was dressed in black
Clung to the outside of the fabric

When we landed
I saw one of the most beautiful sights I've seen
In my Dreaming

There was land above us
Sheltering this open space
We were now just slightly below
Sea level

I was taken aback
By how deep the water was that surrounded us
There were strong men
Lumberjack-type men
Bathing their horses in these deep waters

The horses
Many horses
All of them Robust
                Powerful
All of them White
     Were in the water
               Chest and neck high

The feeling is challenging to describe

I felt a feeling and had a thought

First, I felt the connection between the men and their horses
They were interwoven, as One
This was unmistakeable
     The horses belonged to these men
     The men belonged to these horses

Second, I thought, 'these waters are too high, how can these horses be so calm?
                               They seem made for this weather.'
The horses remained relaxed and steadfast as the water swayed and slapped against them

I turned to my left and saw the Ocean
It was high as it poured into the pools surrounding us
     Threatening to wet our feet as we waited to cross to the other side
               To the Island

The water was rough, full of movement
And so very Beautiful
     The sky's low-sitting clouds rolled into the ocean
     And the Ocean rolled back into the sky
               It was active
               A dance
               I was captivated
I asked the guide where I could buy a camera
I needed to capture this beauty somehow, if I could
               I was told there were places
               Once we crossed the water to the other side

...and then I awoke

Later that day I received notice that my grandmother was very ill
Likely to pass, I should come visit

The dream made sense, you see, it was the beginning
The beginning of an end

The dream was the place where my grandmother would go, Home
The horses were calm, White and powerful, they symbolized death
               They stood in deep water, water to their chest, the method by which it would come
The Ocean was high, active and beautiful, the dark clouds were heavy and mesmerizing
               Both, as One, symbolizing Transition and the natural beauty of it
               It also symbolized literally, the weather at the time of her passing

On the morning of Jun 22nd
I dreamt a nightmare

I saw my beloved grandmother's face
Pale, skeletal
Eyes wide in fear or startle
Mouth open, ajar
Filled entirely with water as though it was a pond
              A short wide straw, floating about, created ripples
              Gave the impression of its depth
              And horror

My favourite person
     The only person
     Who managed to have never yelled at me
              Me...not once
              Me...the rebellious, challenging, disobedient child who broke things
      She...the only person I ever trusted fully
Passed away
              When she gave way
              To the fluid that filled her lungs

com muito amor
para sempre Madrinha

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist
           



           

Dreamtime

Light of the Flame
What is your Name?
You - who sits in the dark
           Enchanting the stars
They pierce your chest
           Blowing Life into a Spark

You - in the cave of your Heart
Humming softly
          By the fire where you dwell
Give of your Self
As you write in the night
          Magic intended to compel

          All who Feel
          All who Dream
          All who live within you
                       Lovers in all time - surface in rhyme
          Offering a caress or two

So tell me a Story
Write me a Song
Dream me to Life
          As you do
For I've been pierced by your Light
Have felt your Heart in the Night
For you
Are my Magic too



I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

An Imperfect Birthday Wish

The odd time
I dream of You

You are there
With others
          Sometimes you see me
          Almost always, you avoid me

The odd time
You are kind to me
A warm Truth on another plain
         A warm smile on a neutral Terrain
         We call the Higher Self

I wake with a gentle feeling
A Knowing
A Gift
          As though I've felt the real You
          An Inner Depth
          Uncommon and Beautiful

I Reflect and Connect

A slight twinge of Joy
          Emerges from my chest
          Purrs wishfully
Words that say
Peace between us
          Can still be

And then quite suddenly unpleasant memories rush me
          Wrong action
          That destroyed
          Possibilites

Wrong Words
Wrong Time
The same old Circular Reference
          Plaguing all logic
          And all relationships

There were a few awkward moments
          (seriously, we can smile about it now, can't we?)
Unnamable errors in judgement

The mathematical and Emotional problem of it      
Is that - it simply can't be solved...

...Not with your Final Words
          To end all calculation
Drawing only one conclusion

Yes, I remember your final words
          Echoes of Shame
          Still felt
          These many years later

At how I made you feel
At the reflection I saw
         In the cracked mirror of my-Self
         A Monster
         …The Beast that Beauty could not Love
         Or rather
         Would not Love (we are not all meant to be)

I am sorry I drew panic from you, that you felt fear because of me
I am sorry I could not rise above my own wonder
          Of You
(our stars collided so ungracefully, could any good have come from it?  I'd like to believe so.)

I am Human
I am ever looking to the Divine for help
Especially since I fuck up Big
          Understand
          I will not be sorry forever, it's time to move on  

Happy Birthday
I know I'm a little late
But I don't care
          (I know you don't care - and that's okay)
This is the Year of New Beginnings
I wish You all the Best
          May this Beginning rival all those before it


To All my Heartists, Warriors of Love...it is time to walk together in a new way.  Time to  gather each other beyond sad, stagnant and barren fields where we lost our last battle.  It is time we see fear and sadness in each other's eyes and respond with Love and kindness.  We bleed the same.  We cry for the same reasons.  Our hopes and fears are the same.  Isn't it time we Love ourselves so we can Love each other?  It's time.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

So Much Egypt, So Little Time…An Incomplete Summary

Visit upon visit
Each Temple a Holy Place
Each Holy Place, the Earth

We stood on ley lines
          Now shifted due to people's energies
Power Spots
          That literally radiated energy
          Out of our finger tips
                    Where we stood
                    (we know this, we measured it, seriously - we had equipment)

A Shrine
A Holy Place
A Powerful Space
          That reduced me to tears
          Before we entered
          To stand before her Sacredness
I sobbed
Uncontrollably, actually
          I don't know what came over me
Or rather, that anything was in me ready to come through me and out
But the trip was to be about Healing
Afterall
This was to be expected

The Temple of Edfu
Brought Pain
Mixed Energies
I disliked this place
The mixed energy here did its job, brought up pain for release
I cried before the temple
I cried during the carriage ride there when an emaciated horse barely able to pull
          Took us to this foreboding place
This was the Healing
The Horses
I cried in the Temple
I realized that in many lifetimes, I had been ignorant, a user of animals, an abuser
This was my Pain, this was my Healing…it was my Karma
                                                                   And the Hurt was Profound
It came up again when I saw our carriage waiting to take us back to our stead
I went to my room
Took a hot shower
          Hoping to clear out my energy field of the pain
          This is where I released the most
          Sobbing on the shower floor
          Begging Forgiveness
                    As I did a Karmic Clearing on myself
This Healing would remain with me the rest of the day
A Shadow that lingered
Yet an experience that had opened a door
For what lay next

The Great Pyramid of Giza
Was not what they say it is
At least not to me
I found mixed energies in the King's Chamber
          I couldn't bring myself to smile for the camera
          No, this was not a Tomb
          Perhaps a place of ritual, or sacrifice
          Yes, perhaps
The Queen's chamber brought relief
The scientific panels inside were measuring…something
The Great Pyramid generates Heat you know
And no one's been able to figure out how, or why
We sat and journaled here
Looking up at the Ceiling
It felt like a window to another Galaxy, Another Planet
Another Home
          Staring up at the apex, I cried and cried
          I journaled and scrawled and cried some more
The words that came were, 'What is my purpose Here, when my People -You -are there?
          Over and over the words swayed in my head
          A mantra born of longing
Then the Angel Gabriel said, 'We are One'... I forgot I had invited the Angels
I continued to cry and write, 'They are a Tribe, my People, My Home,
                                               Builders of the Earth.  God Ordained it.
                                               The Angels Knew it too.'
I felt a deep sadness
My longing to be there, directly above in the Sky
Was now made clear, the depth of it shook me
          At this moment a great truth came undone
My main reason for being there
Was to climb the highest point in that place
So They can see me…so I can be seen by them…Again…had they forgotten me?
I cried through this realization (Yes, there were a lot of tears)
We moved on...
          The Well
Was the last chamber
It was a steep descent, small, incubating
The makeshift steps ended and so began a crawl
Out, finally, into a large open space
Where I inhaled and exhaled a deep breath
The open space was serene
Calming
Holy
Intentional
A place of Offering
A place of Birth
          The words and images streamed easily here

The hike back up was gruelling
It was an achievement just to get out
The narrow passage gave way to the Exit
And it was Night
Two stray dogs played in the nearly black desert
           It was beautiful

The Nile is a calm river
There is magic in this place
          Especially at night when the Stars are out and you are open to their Mystery
Gliding through the warm air, sitting on the top deck of a small boat
Feeling the Nile's Peace, its hidden power
                                             Its Heartbeat

I have yet to integrate all the Blessings, Teachings and Healings
It will take time
The more I empty, the more I will remember
          I won't be the only one it affects
I'm waiting
Watching
Wondering
          'What will happen next?'


I remain, ever humbled by Life, its Glory and Beauty,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Ocean Hawk and The Rain

We had walked
Three revolutions around the Sun
Ocean Hawk and me

Finally, we had walked once again
To meet with Spirit
At the Festival of Spirit
          In town

Healers came
          They Healed with Food
          Others with their hands
          And still
                    Others with their Words
                              Such was this day

Ocean Hawk and I walked in to the Festival
Many were talking
Smiling
Laughing
          There was Joy
          And perhaps even the guardians of Heaven joined us

We had met some friends, some waiting, some just arriving

At some point in the day
Ocean Hawk had made her way inside the tent
To see the sights
Speak to the people
And obtain some nourishment of Spirit
          If she could

          She did

I had gone in search of her
Through the vendors
Through the sea of a people with a common unity in heart
          There she was, as she has always been
          Beautiful
     
Ocean Hawk had been speaking with a woman
A Centaur like me
Who had advised her not to hide her soul, nor the ink on her sleeves

When Ocean turned to me she said, 'I'm Free'
          There were tears in her eyes
          I caressed her cheek
Something profound had just happened
Ocean Hawk could not speak
          All she could do, was Feel

I knew it then
Something had transformed inside her
And though the words spoken to Ocean
          Were an echo of my own
          It was not an echo that Moved her in that moment
          I will not stand in Spirit's way

That night Ocean Hawk spoke of an inner freedom
         Perhaps it was a freedom from Judgement
                   The curse we bind ourselves with
                    The curse we bind our beliefs with
                    Our very own Self
                    The curse we bind others with

Two days
          Two days
                    Two days and our lives changed with the rise of the tide
                    Brought by heavy rains

Ocean Hawk was sad
A soulful sadness that emptied all that bound her
          Including me

The shift she had experienced
The Path she has been inspired to journey
          Is one that she must travel on her own
          A path where we are no longer lovers

We talked into the night
The long sleepless night that all lovers know, and hate
We cried
Long into the sleepless night that all lovers know, and will always hate
And our journey together ended there, in that sleepless night

She is by my side still
Making preparations
To leave

I am Sobered
To the reality that I have lost all that has made me Happy these last three years
Our relationship brought me immense and comforting Joy…
                              ...Just when I felt
                              I could finally imagine a Happily Ever After
                                        It flew from me
                                       And took Ocean Hawk with it                                    
Two days
          Two days
                      Two days later
                      The rain fell heavy
                      Again
                      This time
                                       It was Purple


I remain, saddened by the loss of Ocean Hawk, and the passing of Prince.

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Two Writers

So many bodies hit the ground

Pale thin slivers, layers of me

or who I was

or who I might be

Dreams lost yet found somewhere

in time

in space

in Life

all at Once

I’ve been shedding

ideas

about this and that

right and wrong

the world is free when these don’t exist

especially my world
people

this one and that one

right or wrong

the world is free when I let you go

especially since you don’t want to be

in my world

I’ve been walking the shore of the ocean

my retreat in battle 

(and where we last fought)

          my retreat near the cliff-face

where I am hidden and alone

I’ve picked up fossils and stones

observed their layers

their sharpness

their smoothness

they are perfect any which way they are

they don’t judge themselves

you see?  they’re just right - at every moment 
                                           because of this

they are eternal

I’ve sat here too, thinking

pondering

creating stories in my mind that never was, or likely will never be...but exist all the same in another reality

dimension, another place 

I’ve concluded

I know we’re different, and apart, and misunderstandings killed us in the ocean

Yet I still feel you

All these theories that we are all One...all these mysteries

Have they come undone

in me?

To reveal indeed, We Are

Have learned; I could never lose you, have never lost you

Will always be

Connected

To your Heart

To your Uncommon Mind

To a Past that was

And a Present that left so fast

                                                I can only pretend in a daydream 

That friendship is still possible

Between us

Sometimes

I recall your writings

     Powerful and eloquent

For one so young

For one who saw only a Monster in me
  
           And then I remember

I slayed you without intent, without meaning

And slayed myself with the mourning of it

But it didn’t end there

And for a time 

I could push you out of my mind

For a time

I could pretend that this was meant to be

But then

I wonder if this is how it will end

This time around

                                               And it bothers me

I’m going to Egypt
The Egyptian Book of the Dead 

Was a book I stopped reading many moons ago

early in my journeying

          I felt so close to Truth

And became frightened of it

I stopped my Spiritual Quest

Went into Business

Focussed on distraction

Instead

I’m going back

In a way

Back to learn the Truth 

That scared me

When I thought nothing could

Perhaps I will lose another sliver of a false self

       Or a false dream

       Or a truth I once believed

Perhaps I will Heal for Everyone

Every hurt that went unseen

                         Even the slaying of your private heart

Your Secret Self

                        By my words

And the slaying of mine - by yours

Perhaps

We will encounter each other somewhere

When we’ve Healed

And I’ll ask you which of your stories

Is your favourite

And I’ll tell you mine

 
And the dead will come alive over a cup of coffee

                     And we'll just be two writers at a table

                          

Ever grateful for the Universal Mind that connects Us all and all Life in every dimension to each other in every moment.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Circular Reference of Wrong Words

Many Moons have come and gone

Added up

I take inventory in the second person, sometimes third person

     Yet I am divisible by one

I wonder

If the broken arrow Eros left behind

Will Heal 

     Or seal

     Or return to the Earth

     Beneath the footfalls of my Dreaming

Y is always a variable

I yearn for a deeper Depth

Yet I fear

     I can only go so deep

It's a circular reference

An error of sorts 

I used to dream of Her

I used to dream of You

Now

I take inventory in the second person, sometimes third person

I know the fool I am

     Wrong words

     That came out wrong 

     Were interpreted wrong

     Because they were wrong words 

          you see

They couldn't be 

Anything but Wrong

     As such

     They could never be Right

(I stood no chance to marvel in the Light

          Of your uncommon Mind)

Am I wrong

To interpret anything

But Hate

From Her

From You?

          What if Y equals 'let's start over?'

Strong words are Action

Strong words are Creation

Strong words are Intention

Strong words are Everything

          …If they are right

But mine were wrong

…I take inventory plain and simple, there is no second person, nor third

Just me, I am one

One wishes that Y equaled your friendship

If shame did not exist within, there would be no walls between us, no fear.


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

I Dreamt Last Night of a Feeling

I dreamt

Last night

Of a Feeling

I dreamt  

Last night

Of a Meeting

          Between you and I

It was comforting

Yet
I was cautious

          'Why are you here?

          You hate me'  

'I need to speak with you'

          'I'm busy' 

'I'll wait'
          I considered…

          'Alright' I nodded consent

You leaned in

          To slip me some skin

                    I thought

I felt your hand slide across 

                   Wrap naturally

                   Matter of factly 

                   Around mine

I felt it mostly 

Firmly

Gently
Along with 

          Your Heart

                 Open

                 Willing

          Secure in a Knowing

                 Of some sort

You waited patiently

          Held my hand Boldly

Until I woke

Why?

Why would I dream such a dream?

          As though our swords had never crossed

          As though our words 

                         Had not struck their final blow

          As though banishment wasn't so    

          And you had been searching

                         Instead

               To find me here

               In this dreaming

               In this feeling

                        Somewhere between

                        Space and time

              Waiting to align

              Myself with you

Perhaps...

Perhaps 

In this dreaming

I encountered Healing

Where hate was Love

And your kindness was mine

Wishing peace in the release of denials and silenced emotions.  If we free ourselves from the pain of judgement and Open to our own Way,  perhaps we might finally find Forever.

I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Beneath the Sway

Sounds of Emotion 

Wave in the sea

Swaying gently far in the centre of movement

Below the stormy sky

The current is strong

Beneath the soft surface

I contemplate

At the sea's rocky shore

Sandy

Wet from Sky's sweat

From Earth's toil

Spent

Empty

They are tired

I am tired

Errors of the past

Mistakes fell fast

Beyond my grasp

Of reckoning

How can I be the Healer

As I am in healing?

I may bend time

Yet cannot undo

The done

The wrong

They say there is a hell

I say it is this:

The wound of Regret 

Festers longer

Than any hell

That  exists

All those bones beneath the sway

Got carried away

Their Joy

A thing of the past

With thoughts of goodbye

My friends,

Did you sigh?

When reckoning

Arrived at last

With the energy currently circling the World, Our World, it might be time to sit and Feel.  We are Masters of each Moment until we choose to be a slave of moments past, ways of being that no longer serve our Voice of Love, who we are.  May the days ahead bring Joy, Reconciliation and stories of Humanity's true Spirit of Kindness...Love.

I remain, ever hopeful of a future where all our tears are seen,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

The Walk

It’s been several moons since Ocean Hawk took me to the Witch-Woman of the forest

The Witch-Woman...she was tall, confident and imposing
She had taken a look at my breast and concluded
     The skin around my areola had worn away
     Was easily agitated
          Gave me cream to ease discomfort

There was no discomfort

Just an aesthetic issue
     One breast visibly changed for always
          So shall it be
Should someone behead me
Identification can be made with a quick review of my chest

The walk has been long since my desert time

Eros is heading back towards me
  Carrying papers, formalities
               Written not with the glow of his golden arrow
But with the stench of blood
Long decayed in battle

Ocean Hawk remains my company
She is Kind
  Gentle
  Pure of Heart
She allows me space to grieve
My loss of Eros
Loss of the romantic notion
That Love conquers All
She is allowing my Trust to grow

Lately
Lately my dreams have been infiltrated by two
          Aries
          Eden

  Sex from men
Love from Women

I've since been wondering

     What do lesbians dream of?

          Do gay men ever dream of fucking women?
               Do straight men dream of fucking men?

Or

Is it a bi-sexual thing?

A reincarnation thing?

Or simply

          Is it a Lesley thing?

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to Being who We are

Isn’t Love just Love when it's all said and done?
When all our faces are removed
When all our stories have been told
Won't that be what remains of who we were?
Won't that be what we want others to remember most?

Each step I take
I feel the pebbles beneath my feet
The dust gets past my leather somehow and forms a skin beneath
  The mud
The mud ruins everything
Until I reach the Ocean

I’m headed there now
Ocean Hawk remains at my side
                I wonder at times
                         How long she'll stay


I remain,

Ever grateful for Movement, Love, and Humanity's true spirit - Goodness; and You, my Heartists and Warriors of Love, Humanity is You - it is Us,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

Skeletons in the closet

There are Skeletons in the closet
          They are not mine

There are Skeletons in the closet
          Polluting time
                    Filling darkness
                    Birthing a Mind
                              That seeks to destroy the Soul


So many Skeletons lay dead in the walls
Hidden beneath some floors
No
These are not ours
          Any longer
Carry them no more

Remove the Key from your pocket
Unlock the Door
These bones belong to an ocean
          In the Past
         
          Let them wash ashore

          Clean
                    By Earth's bosom
                    By the salt of our Tears
          Offer them to the heavens
          Along with the years
                              Of loathing
                              Of hiding
                              Of hurting

It is time to Be


Warriors of Love...may your struggles be little, your Joy be great and may your Light shine beyond our galaxy to create another Sun.  Be kind to yourself and others, Happy New Year to Heartists around the globe.

Love with each thump of your Heart
We have only one
It is enough to change the rhythm of our Universe


I remain,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist

A New Time...

Many moons have passed since Ocean Hawk saved my life

 

She had followed me from camp

As I made my way by morning’s blue cloak
Attempting my journey
Alone

She has remained with me since

Quiet often

She moved through the mundane with purpose and private enjoyment

            A usual manner

Even smiling at her own recollections as we walked

                        Rarely making eye contact

I hardly spoke

She let me be as I was

Scornful and lonely

A fool 

Until one day

Watching from a distance

Ocean Hawk caught sight of my face as I readied my garments
My brows furrowed in thought
I had been noting a change
An inflammation of sorts around the areola of one of my breasts
It had, over seasons, grown agitated, darker

She walked over

Greeted me with confident eyes

            ‘What do you want?’ I was curt

It was more of a statement than a question

I hoped it would intimidate her
If she noticed my tone, she chose to ignore it

‘What’s with the look on your face?’ She asked 

            ‘I was born this way’ as a matter of fact 

‘I’m serious, what’s goin’ on?’ She chided

Silence

I pulled tight the strings of my bodice

‘Let me look.’

            ‘No’ I flatly replied and hurried myself

She reached inward

Took hold of my wrists
Tore them roughly from my chest

Her stern eyes said everything

She spoke anyway

‘I’m looking whether you like it or not. Try anything and I won’t be so nice.’

She gently drew down the soft fabric and scrutinized

It would’ve been then

The moment when I should’ve struck her against her face
The moment when I should’ve brought my elbow to her temple
But there was no time
No time to do anything before I heard her expel beneath her breath

'Hmm’ Quick, neutral, unrevealing

I shoved her to the ground

Guess she was distracted

Her eyes spat profanities my way

             I didn’t care

            Could only say one thing in that moment

                        ‘For the record, do that again and I’ll kill you.’

She smirked

It turned into a real smile as she rose to her feet

We gathered our things and resumed our travel

‘You need to see someone about that.’ She said 

            ‘I need nothing from you or anyone.’

                                    How great the fool was I?

‘You don’t know this area. You’ll be lost before you realize you’re lost.  Besides, fools die all the time.  Don’t you want to be one that lives?  You’re no spring chick anymore you know.’

             Bitch

            She saw through to my vanity

‘I know someone.  That’s where we’re going.’

I refrained from further objection

The truth being; I was concerned

She continued

‘Oh and for the record…shove me again and I’ll kill you.’
Her face drew into a broad smile
Damn it was authentic

                        Beckoning me each time

                        Moving me in ways not yet understood

I followed

            As I had been since my return from the desert

 

I remain, ever thoughtful of Heartists here, across the Globe

Your struggles
Your enduring nature
Your mindful way
           Are Beautiful
           Beyond tribulation
           Beyond pain
           Beyond all thoughts found outside ourselves forcing an outcome within us

I am humbled, honoured by your Strength
I Thank You

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist