Darkness of the Black Light

When many of you are in darkness together, you all become closer.  Many things are revealed about you in the darkness of the Black Light, especially when others are present.  All your conditionings and modes of behaviour melt and dissolve in darkness, which is when a whole new world of deeper relationship, peace, and wordless feelings communicate your hidden nature.  Here it could be said that light divides, and darkness unites. 

The Power of Shakti, 18 Pathways to Ignite the Energy of the Divine Woman, by Padma Aon Prakasha

My body speaks…

Rejection is the abyss of my soul.  It resides in the darkness of my past; in the womb of darkness where I sit, lit by a small fire.  I snuff it out.  Darkness, stillness, it’s enough.  What do I find hidden dormant within?  Ah, yes, fear.  Fear of love.  Fear of the power of love that would solidify my worth.  Who comes near in this darkness?  Hush…shhh…there is none here but me.

What do I find in my loneliness?  Ah, yes, fear of death.  Fear of the moment when I will no longer touch your lips or feel your caress.  It is the moment of truth when we meet ourselves and experience our hell.  Our failures, the pain we’ve etched; every angry word, every hateful thought and every malevolent wish injected into another or thrown from afar.  My God, their pain becomes my pain.  Yes, this is fear-worthy for none of us are perfect.  But wait, heaven comes also…forgiveness.  It washes over me and I understand, there is no such thing as hell there is only fear.  This creates enough pain, enough evil that would perpetuate itself, tricking us into bondage.

Sit in darkness Child, sit with Self.  What else do I find?  I find my sadness; sadness at the loss of my connection with Life, with Self, with Love, with You.

No amount of paint, no poetic arrangement could describe the emptiness, could express accurately the essence of my longing. I understand not, the fullness of its breath.

When I was ignorant it was easy to love and hate and all things were black and white, clear... judgemental.  Now, when love approaches, it falls back, becomes a grey canvas where colours blend to form an exotic sky of the rising sun, of the glowing moon, of the thunderous clouds before the sun breaks through.  No.  I will not be numb to the pain.  No.  I will not ignore that I loved you.  No.  I will not pretend I was not drawn to you - the other – either, for I was and am.  No.  I will not pretend my desires do not exist.  I will not pretend my voice is polite, quiet or compliant.  It is not.  For all things in my body claim a voice.  For all memories in my soul exist, for all thoughts in my mind are written and yes, I will meet them again at some point.  But do not resist yourself.  Not in the quiet contemplation of your soul. 

The dark is quiet yet so much is said.  Our fears emerge, take over and we are rendered weak.  Here, in the womb of the dark, I make love to your very essence.  You are neither woman nor man, you are God.  You are the beautiful centre of Love and Spirit.  Why can’t I love your pain away?  Am I not worthy of love?  If you are my mirror, what reflection am I?  There is sadness here in this place, deep loneliness at separation.  It is true what they say, we are born alone and we die alone for no one can live life for us, nor satisfy our death. Why waste away in fear?  Why waste another moment in regret?  Time - if all our senses were dull, if they were the same, what time could exist? 

All we have is our mind, but my mind is not my soul.  My mind is a foe when ego comes to visit.  When ego leaves, my mind allows me pleasure in thoughts of you, sentiments of you.  It is then that I love my mind.  It needs clarity, this is my responsibility.  My body deserves love, this is my responsibility, it deserves a voice, this is my power. 

In the womb of darkness, there is stillness.  I imagine you here, standing silently behind me.  I’m aware of your glow.  You come near, kneel to rest your body on my back.  I feel your breasts, nipples taut, they're soft against my shoulders.  You embrace me from behind, rest your head against me.  I feel you, your worth; my worth.  I cry.  No one has loved me this much before.  Not here, not in my darkness, in my Truth.  They ran away, hid, separated themselves from me through their own issues.  Perhaps I thought – perhaps I believed I was not worthy of love.  It’s been so long, is this real? 

I turn and face your lovely frame.  We sit before each other, naked, nothing here is hidden. You are radiant.  I see the colours of your essence.  You are beautiful in your light.  There is nothing ugly about you.  I know, I can see through. 

Our hearts open.  I move in, guide your legs upon my thighs.  We breathe.  Follow our breath, are you afraid to break?  Are you real within me?  Do you feel me in you?  My embrace pulls you near, your heart pounds against your chest; alive, vibrant, passionate.  Or is it mine?  I need you closer, long to feel your stomach on mine.  I rest my face at your neck, on your shoulder.  We could reach Oneness here together, in the dark, if our love was naked and mutual.  In this place, we could hold eternity.  Our bodies would find their voice and finally speak.

Continued on Wednesday August 10^th, 2011

Until then, I remain yours,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist