A Child of Goliath

EXSURGE; Domine, et intende judicio meo:

Deus meus, et Dominus meus, in causam meam.

Effunde frameam, et conclude adversus eos qui me persequuntur.

Sometime before Aries’ sixteenth birthday, Mary received a letter in the mail. Anonymously written it stated something to the effect that a rumour was going around about me and if care wasn’t taken, the rumour could be damaging to Aries.  I’ve never really cared what strangers thought of me but a rumour affecting Aries? That bothered me.

Mary handed me an envelope for review.  She searched my face as I read the typed letter which was short.  Did she think I knew who wrote it?  Mary and Dick were thinking that a friend, who was a legal assistant, might’ve authored it.  I noticed an error.  There was no way this friend whom I also knew, would let any correspondence leave her hands with a typo in it, mysterious or not, she was meticulous by nature.  Whoever wrote this cared more about content than about correction.  Whoever wrote this was Portuguese.  Being Portuguese myself I understand the culture.  In my mind, it made sense.  No one but a Portuguese person would care that much about a rumour, so much so, it compelled them to write an anonymous letter.

One night shortly thereafter I got home to find my mother awake.  The rumour, suggesting I was gay, had somehow reached my mother by way of some people from her church community (insert smile here).  I thought this was funny when I  experienced it, recalling it now, I find it even funnier.  I had some explaining to do.  There was little to be said however, I knew nothing concerning the rumour or the letter.

Mary and the family lived across the street from a Portuguese bakery.  After this incident, every time we went there I would stare the good folks eye to eye, daring, challenging them to say anything to me.  Could any of them have written that letter?  It was plausible. 

Events following Aries’ sixteenth birthday would bring us together and pull us apart in turn.  I noticed her fading away, yet somehow, she moved closer in to me.  Her beautiful golden eyes betrayed worry, something was on her mind, something she could not say, dared not say.

Arriving home late one night I expected everyone to be asleep.  Of course, there’s no rest for the wicked.  Unlocking the door I entered my parent’s home to find my father a drunken mess.  Slow ramblings rapidly turned into wrath.  As usual, I stood there and watched him.  This was a little different.  You could feel it - he just wasn’t there.   As crazy as I’ve always believed my father to be there was something rabid about him this night, unhinged.  I continued up the stairs to my bedroom.  He followed. Some unholy fire was burning in him and his fury continued as he entered my room, hovering at the entrance.  Something interesting happened at that moment; I had an anxiety attack.  Anxiety generally brings you out of your body however in this case, it brought me into it.  All of a sudden this moment wasn’t about him, it was about me.  I moved towards him and shoved by to get out.  I was walking away.  Then he lost it.   He started chasing me. I took off down the wooden stairs, he lumbered closely behind. I had no time for shoes - I still had to unlock the door.  Once outside, I ran as fast as I could; cloaked myself, became invisible in the night.  I continued to run until I rounded the block.  Slowing down, I called Mary who’d send Dick to pick me up.

I spoke to my sister the next day.  My father, having lost sight of me, supposed me to be hiding nearby between the houses and cars.  He would look for me, stubbornly, until morning.

My soul, made an orphan that Easter, would find solace in the house of Goliath.  A child of Goliath I would be.

That night, a secret pleasure overtook me…Aries, I am near you.  I am here.

Continued on Friday June 17^th 2011

Until then, I remain yours,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist