(Due to privacy – some names have been changed)
A HymSappho
For if now she flees, quickly she shall follow
And if she spurns gifts, soon shall she offer them
Yea, if she knows not love, soon shall she feel it
Even reluctant.
Taken from an Easter card given to me by Mary:
‘You are the sunshine and the bright light this family holds dear. You are a part of us and we love you...a friend and a ray of sunshine...please don’t ever forget we are always here for you, no matter what. I am so grateful that you are our friend. And as always there are still no words to tell you how I feel. We love you. Mary and the Family’
Making friends comes easily to me, it always has. Up to the age of twelve we moved roughly every two years, usually two blocks over from the previous address and within the same neighbourhood in Little Italy. Every new move meant a new best friend. I would always be the one who was approached. Often the type of girl who’d punch me in the stomach when we met, would protectively become my closest ally. What I wish to establish with this beginning is that although I’m friendly, I’m an introvert. It’s rare for me to actively seek friendship outside circumstance. It’s only ever happened twice; once eight years ago and once at the start of this year.
When late in my teens I decided to go to a vocational school because University and College just weren’t for me, I was simply hoping to learn quietly and remain unnoticed. Reluctantly, I made a friend named Marianne.
For several months Marianne and I would observe a lively group of misfits light-heartedly harass the teacher, generally making themselves known to the class. There was one person in the group who would watch us. I’d catch her looking at me and she wouldn’t even turn her eyes away. There was something about her I understood, or perhaps, recognized. I’ve recorded it more accurately in one of my poems, “…and what is it that one sees in the eyes of another of the same? Recognition? Fear? Admiration? Or just simply the thought arises – yes, there goes another one.’ Yes - the same. There was something that was inherently the same in both of us and we recognized this in the other. I wasn’t drawn to her, instead I understood some un-nameable quality about her.
When Marianne graduated and left the picture, this new person, Mary, befriended me. Mary was a pretty, curvy petite with a solid frame to her; strong and fit. She had a great smile and when she laughed the light brown in her eyes would recede to reveal a lovely hazel colour; a metaphor for the veil she wore, I would later learn.
Mary hosted a little fitness group; crazy manic people who actually enjoyed scissor-jumping jacks and torturous side-abdominal crunches. They call this madness ‘high impact aerobics’ and ‘exercise.’ With all this fun I’m sure Mary was confused as to why I said no to her many invitations to participate. She wouldn’t give up asking me and eventually I gave in. I sometimes wonder what would have become of those several years of my life had I never joined her group. Would my battle still have played out but on a different field?
By now you have probably deduced that this story is about my relationship with Mary. It’s not. It’s about my relationship with her daughter, Aries.
Having Lilith positioned in Capricorn in my natal chart, Astrologer Sanja Peric correctly identifies something core about my nature and experience in love:
‘These people are very tied up by the past and usually have an undefined but emotionally strong love relationship in their youth that blocks their future.’
That’s what this story is about - strong undefined love that could not find its centre when the power of Goliath came to tear it apart. Hallelujah Heartist is my endeavour to destroy Goliath because his existence threatens my Love’s ability to Be without shame, hurt, or definition. Every step I take in battle against him I tell myself, ‘Hit the head and the body will follow.’
Learn more about Lilith at:
Continued on Sunday June 5th 2011
Until then, I remain yours,
Lesley
Hallelujah Heartist
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