An Introduction

An Introduction to this blog - so this is how I feel:

People don’t want you to know who they are.

People want you to love their pretences and their cloaks.  We’re not allowed to call this to attention in any way, shape or form or we’ll get our asses kicked out of their lives. I should know - it’s happened to me.  These people enjoy who they are, they enjoy their restrictive self-image and you’re not allowed in.  These very same people want love.  They want to be loved but they’re unwilling to allow you to know who they really are.  Is this you?  Is this me?  Yes, perhaps, to some degree.

We’ll seek but we won’t find love because what we’re searching for, we aren’t willing to digest anyway.  Loving and being loved requires honesty in one’s self.  Can you love yourself?  Can you receive?  Can you give?  We either take too much or give nothing at all.  Newsflash: If we are unable to receive, then what have we to give?  If we cannot love ourselves then what of love have we to offer?

Love takes courage.  It is a battle worthy of the most tenacious and sincerest of warriors.  Yes, the path to a pure heart is tough but most of us are on this path.  We’re willing to wear our hearts on our sleeves if it means a chance to kiss bliss for however long it lasts.

The Hallelujah song by Leonard Cohen is my expression of this journey thus far.

‘She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your crown and she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.’  What does this mean to me?  If we are unwilling or unable to surrender, to break our self-importance and how we define ourselves; if we are unable to destroy ego and fear to be completely bare in who we are, then maybe love is not for us. It’s a harsh thing to say, but who are we otherwise?

We reject people when they get too close to our core, to the real person behind the smoke and mirrors.  This blog is primarily for those of us who have been stepped on over and over again on our journey through life in our path to love.  This blog is for those of us in pain at being rejected while we’ve been our true selves.  Not much more exists that is emotionally as painful as this, being left to feel insignificant, unimportant and alone.  We’re never in control when we seek a kindred spirit.  We’re never in control when we seek out love…we’re in constant surrender. Others, some others don’t care who they hurt.  Maybe they don’t realize they’ve hurt us or perhaps they hurt themselves, their private minds a personal hell of self-hate.  To me, this is truly a sad thing.  No one should hate themselves, it’s unnecessary, generally.  So, willingly or unwillingly these people keep themselves separate from you – from us.  Caught in the reflection of a situation such as this, you and I become past-times, acquaintances and generally, a nobody; nobody but somebody in pain.  Somebody who hurts; somebody who feels with their entire being that no one understands.  You are my heroes, my heroines, my lovers, my kings and my queens.  You are my Warriors of Love, in Love.

This blog site is for you.  Post your pain.  Post your sadness.  Post your poetry, your song, your artwork.  Love is a Hallelujah and we’ll taste it.  For now, get it out.  Get it all out and let the battle make you a better artist, musician, poet, writer; a better Self, because yes, we’re best being who we are.

If you’re reading this and you’ve pushed someone away with no answers given, or hurt someone – and we all have (sometimes just by being ourselves) – you have a voice here, I want to hear from you. 

Warriors, please keep in mind this site is intended as a safe place.  Here lives no judgment, no punishment and the only pain here is what’s coming out, not going in.  Respect each other’s opinions and thoughts.  Respect each other’s hurt, whatever type of victim you are.  We’ve all been victims – all of us.  I’m not better than you and you aren’t better than me.  We are equal in our battle.  We are equal in our quest.  We are equal in Love.  You can be who you are sans classifications here.   I, myself, am genderless in my love so I have difficulty understanding why people and society impose descriptions.  You may have already guessed that I dislike labels.  Feel open to express who you love without judgement of self or others.  This site is for your heartache, respect it, express it, and let it go.

The topic of this blog I hope is somewhat clear, but this is a fluid experience and so I hope it goes where it needs to go (and that you’ll come with me).  A major aspect of this blog is ‘Story.’  I have a story to tell – so do you.  For me, it has been expressed in personal journal entries, poems and in fiction (as a way to cloak the non-fiction).  The next blog entry will begin my story in Love with its many curves and caresses.  This particular part of my life began when I was twenty with a meaningful experience, a meeting.  I thought a year and a half ago I finally finished dealing with the emotional aftermath of battle, but now I find myself in a similar-enough situation that has triggered residual feelings and fears which has me questioning if history is repeating itself to some degree.  This story needs an audience, it needs to finally manifest itself on Earth, burn up and fall in ashes.

I understand there’s a great chance no one will be reading this…that’s okay.   The story still needs to be told.  It doesn’t change the story and it doesn’t change me.  The next blog date is Friday June 3^rd, 2011. 

I hope you’ll join me.

Until then, I remain yours,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist