For Every Action There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction

Not quite a year into the friendship with Aries, I had a meaningful dream: 

I was a boy of six or seven lying in a large wooden bed, I was sick and dying.  The room was dim and the furniture wooden.  An old woman sat in the shadows on a chair by the door.  I knew the old woman was Aries.  A gentle, penetrating energy emanated from her.  She has never left this room, she has never left me.  This feeling was immediate and overwhelmingly beautiful.  Devotion - pure devotion.  To my right a bright light emerged.  The angel of death was here and I wasn’t ready to go, I started to cry.  Leaving the boy I became an observer.  The form that emerged wasn’t the angel of death, but a woman, her face a radiant light.  In awe of her presence I fell willingly to my knees; Eve, the first woman, Mother Mary.  Facing the old woman she said, ‘he will not die, he has good work to do’ and disappeared.  Completely well, the boy left his bed and ran past us both.

This entry is not about religion or any belief system that we use to cope through life.  The impact of the dream is the essence here.  I promised myself I would never leave her…she has never left me.

The next pinnacle moment in our relationship was when Aries asked me to be her godmother (Confirmation).  During these first two years as a family confidante, I noticed that although there were blood cousins and other relatives floating around, they were never truly included in significant events.  I know Aries asked me because she loved me, but when I looked to Mary in surprise, her eyes betrayed a thought and I heard it say, ‘this will be good for everyone.’

Being Aries’ godmother only resulted in a tighter bond.  Add up the little things that foster a relationship and suddenly, somehow, you can’t live happily without her.  Suddenly you’re irritated if you haven’t had contact with her, suddenly you’d follow her into hades if she dared go that way. 

Both Aries and I never found a need to define our connection.  She would call me her love and I knew she meant it.  She was my love too.

Let’s clarify something very important here.  Our relationship was never sexual, nor did that ever cross our minds.  It certainly never crossed mine.  The relationship was, however, sensual.  Our ideas of beauty were the same.  Love, pain, luxury, simplicity and everything we couldn’t name; her head on my lap as we watched T.V., a hug without explanaition or words, and just being in the same room with each other..

Our dynamic was perceptible.  Random people, cashiers at the check-out, and family friends would all enquire.  When given the chance they’d scrutinize: those two are extremely close, they laugh a lot, and now, they’re upstairs in her room with the door shut. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

As Aries and I fell ever into our own world, an opposing energy began to manifest, gaining momentum.  My own family hated the fact that I was frequently at Mary’s.  I would often arrive home to see my father drunk and enraged, simply because he was a drunk.  I have always been his target, it’s no secret, and this situation was fuel to his engulfing fire. Before reaching the stair case I would find him standing inches away from me, fist tightened, he’d pull it back as though it were a bow.  He’d repeat this over and over again.  I never moved.  He wanted to pound me.  He'd get close, scrape his knuckles against my jaw, but he could never penetrate some unseen force between me and his madness.  Until you’ve danced with the devil, you’re never really sure if angels exist.  Goliath was growing.

Continued on Thursday June 9^th 2011

Until then, I remain yours,

Lesley

Hallelujah Heartist